As I sit here scrolling Instagram, I come across tidy homes with sunlight beaming through, reels of moms who seem to have it all together, and perfectly curated toddler meals.
I look around my own house: toys are strewn across the floor, the remains of breakfast are stuck to the highchair, and I’m still wearing my pajamas. Thoughts like “I’m not doing enough” or “Why can’t we be more put together?” can quickly take over.
Comparison comes easy these days. We see moms dressed in their best, the kids appear clean and well-behaved, the house is spotless, and everyone is smiling. Am I missing something?
Read next: 32 Top Bible Verses About Comparison and Contentment
Motherhood doesn’t come with a manual. There are no training sessions, courses, or degrees that teach you exactly what to do when you become a mom. Motherhood is thrust upon us, whether we feel equipped or not. It’s a learn-as-you-go, ask-for-help-and-forgiveness-along-the-way, shot-in-the-dark mission.
But our minds are so easily focused on the outside world that it clouds our view of what’s right in front of us. Social media and the internet sit right at our fingertips, offering endless advice and suggestions.
We seek affirmation and quick answers to our current situations from unreliable sources. We want to know we’re feeding our children the right way, providing the best education, and giving them the right opportunities to make friends.
If we’re not careful, we will completely miss the joy and journey God has blessed us with because we’re stuck in the comparison trap.
Comparison leads us to resent our own precious life. It leaves us with feelings of doubt, frustration, anxiety, and depression. Left unchecked, we can lose sight of the mission God has called us to.
He made each one of us mothers at this time, in this moment, for a reason — a greater purpose. Only you can be the right mother for your child.
Sure, there are similar seasons and phases we all go through, and it can be helpful to lean on family, friends, and community for support and encouragement along the way. But we can’t lose sight of the fact that God has made each one of us on purpose for a purpose.
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How Do We Fight Back When Comparison Comes Knocking?
1. Immerse Yourself in God’s Word
When we are actively reading Scripture and listening to God’s teachings, we see that He is with us in every trial and every season. He was with us before we became career women, wives, and mothers. He is with you now in the throes of parenthood, waiting for you to look up.
“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
2. Be in Constant Prayer and Communication with the Lord
God wants us to be honest and tell Him how we feel. When we’re struggling, it helps to talk it out with a trusted source — and who better than the God of the universe? He is the best listener. He’s never distracted while you’re pouring out what’s on your heart and mind.
I’m reminded of Hannah in the Bible, who longed deeply for a child. She faced ridicule and abuse from other women, but she never gave up hope. One day, overwhelmed with emotion, she poured out her deepest desires before God. He heard her prayer and answered. And even after receiving the child she longed for, she gave her son back to God just as she had promised. You can read more of her story in 1 Samuel 1–2.
“My heart rejoices in the Lord! The Lord has made me strong.”
3. Step Away from Social Media and Put Down Your Phone
I’ve been off social media for a while now, and it has been one of the best things for my mental health. I realize this may not be possible for everyone, but it has been incredibly freeing for me.
Especially in the evenings, once the children are in bed and the house is finally quiet, the temptation to endlessly scroll is strong. We think it helps us unwind, but it often fills us with more fatigue and stress than we had to begin with. It can lead to spiraling thoughts that keep our hearts and minds from being filled with the peace and joy we desperately need.
Set time limits on your devices. Put them away at night. Read an enjoyable book instead. Fill your cup so you can properly pour into others — your spouse, your children, and your community.
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”
What helps you to fight back when comparison steals your joy? We’d love to hear about what you’ve learned in the comments!