Last Updated on June 22, 2018

Don’t know about you, but Liz Sanchez’ December 2010 post, “Take The Pretty Nightie Challenge,” may be the most talked about MomLife Today post in the Gresh house. Take it from a woman whose husband accuses her of being a hoodie-aholic (but only at bedtime), it’s a good thing to consider the concept of putting on something pretty now and then despite the fact that you’re sure you’ll freeze to death. (I took Liz’s challenge and wore something pretty to bed for a month and I did not freeze to death. I am, in fact, still alive!) The Pretty Nightie Challenge certainly ignited a few confessional conversations amongst me and my girlfriends. I might have even bought and shipped a somewhat pretty nightie to one of my fellow MomLife Today bloggers. (She shall remain nameless.)

Mind if I take this one step deeper, girls? I do have to warn you fellow hoodie-aholics that I just might step on those fuzzy sock clad toes of yours if you dare to keep reading!

Let’s head off to the Bible’s steamiest book, Song of Solomon. We’ll head to chapter 7 verse 10, where the girl in the love story declares: “I belong to my lover.” What a giving of self. She expresses a submission that flies in the face of today’s feminist empowered womanhood. God’s treatise on the gift of sexuality cries out for a submission to giving yourself away. The Apostle Paul takes it a step further in I Corinthians:

[verse reference=”1 Corinthians 7:3-6″]The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.[/verse]”

Paul writes to the church encouraging those who are married to mutually give themselves to each other physically. Don’t hold anything back. Your body is not your own. It belongs to him (as his belongs to you).

So, now… let’s talk about those nights when you’re “too tired,” “have a headache,” “still  mad about yesterday”, or “just don’t feel like it.” I just have to say that if those are not the drastic exceptions, you’re throwing this good man’s advice out the door! I don’t see a good reason to let your flesh be in control of how often, when, and where you give yourself to your husband. Of course, I’m not suggesting you submit to abusive or controlling sexual pressure, I’m talking about those times when your husband warmly moves in for romance and you cut him off cold because you just don’t feel like it.

Here’s the deal: marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. We should be striving to display to a lost world the kind of compassion and giving of ourselves that Christ displayed and continues to display to us every day. In the light, I’d like to suggest that while the mark of intimacy in marriage is a physical giving away of yourself, the mark of our intimacy with Christ is prayer. Follow me here. I have a point. Sometimes we pray because it just spontaneously spills out of us. Gratitude. Neediness. Praise. Joyful love. But there are times when I pray because if I do not the love I have for Christ will run dry, and so I muster up the discipline to approach him. Are you following me? Of course there will be times in marriage that you’ll be unable to keep your hands off your man and you both erupt into a passionate exchange of giving yourself to each other. But other times…come on, this is good stuff girls…you must discipline yourself to give yourself because if you do not your love will run dry.

Why not try a little No Headache Challenge. Maybe for a week. Maybe for a month. Hey, you might like the results and go for a year!

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  1. Kennisha Hill says:

    Love this, Dannah! You are so right!

  2. OK, so a certain someone who I share my home with and just celebrated 25 years with sweetly says to me yesterday…"I really liked Dannah's post…did you read it?" Then he snickered. I wonder how many other married moms out there have husbands who read MomLife Today? If he doesn't…I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to forward this post to him. Talk about accountability!!! Thanks Dannah…great reminder, a ginormous cold front moved in yesterday, very timely! {she says with a sideways grin and a grunt} :0/

  3. Just found this article from a link on Pinterest. There is so much out there to encourage Christian women in this area. I often feel like there is a stereotype out there that husbands are constantly chasing their wives around the house, while the women make excuses to avoid romance. Are you aware of any good Christian resources out there for homes in which the reverse is true?

    1. ^^^ I would LOVE to see something about the reverse as well. It’s definitely the “story of my life”.

      Glad I’m not the only one!

    2. There absolutely are. You can check out:

      God is in the Bedroom Too.

      God and Sex: What the Bible Really Says.

      A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy.

      God, Sex And The Women Of The Bible: Discovering Our Sensual, Spiritual Selves.

      The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfilment.

      Finding God Through Sex: A Spiritual Guide to Ecstatic Loving and Deep Passion for Men and Women.

      Real Questions, Real Answers about Sex: The Complete Guide to Intimacy as God Intended

  4. I THIRD would like to have information on how to resolve the REVERSE scenario!!!

  5. I scrolled down to comment: “But what if he *isn’t* warmly snuggling up and hinting at intimacy? What if I’m the one doing that, and getting excuses?” Then, I saw three other women asking the same thing. What a relief! I thought there was something wrong with our marriage, when really I am just comparing us to a common, not-always-accurate stereotype. Anyone out there have resources regarding this?!

    1. What if “you” want it and he does’t?
      What if it is a medical problem and he doesn’t want to address it?
      What about if he refuses to talk about it or medically fix it and its been 10 years?
      What do I do then with him when our kids love him and now I don’t think i do?

  6. Mommy of two says:

    And what do you do with kids(11 & 13) in the house? By the time they goto bed….my husband and I are tired and ready for bed ourselves!

  7. I have kids aged 3-7, any bedtime tricks? My kids are night owls and we have no alone time at all. When we try they bang on the door after crawling out of bed for the 100th time. My 3yr old still sleeps in our bed as well most nights so that’s a big NO on those nights.

    1. Mommy of 3 little ones. says:

      What we do with our kids at bed time is this, they have to go to bed, but they don’t have to go to sleep. Our oldest is 6 and a half and our middle child is 3 and we have a baby who is 9 months. Our oldest knows when it’s time for her to go to bed she can read, play a game on her tablet, or listen to a book on CD till she falls asleep. The other two still go to bed and stay there. But our rule is once put in bed you can only get up to go potty then you must go back to your bed. Same rule for nap time. This creates time for my husband and I to just have time together even if it’s just watching TV together with out a little one in the room. Parents need that time to connect in any capacity.

  8. Irish Twin Momma says:

    Sigh. I’ve been feeling convicted of this lately. I have an 8 month old and am 6 months pregnant with our little “surprise”. It’s really hard to ever want to do anything when I’m enormous and exhausted all the time and constantly wishing I was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes etc. I guess I just don’t feel attractive (anymore) and the constant tiredness doesn’t help. I’ll take the challenge tho. And I’ll even do the pretty nightie challenge… even tho pretty nighties weren’t made for big ol’ pregnant bellies. ha ha Praying and eager to see a change (in me). Thanks.