Last Updated on December 7, 2016

My sweet son,

While watching you play with a group of children, another mother commented that she “could never love someone else’s child.” Her eyes can only see a child born from an unknown womb and of a different ethnicity, not sharing my blue eyes or light skin. How unfortunate that her eyes cannot see what I see.

When I look at you, I see an ornery sense of humor like your daddy. I see your Lego engineering skills that rival your brother’s. I listen to your contagious belly laugh and am reminded of your grandma. I admire your imagination that you share with your sister as you play together for hours. That short-sighted woman couldn’t see the deep mother/son bond we share as we snuggle early in the morning or know of the fierce protectiveness for you that overwhelms me sometimes. Your tawny skin and your almond-shaped eyes that disappear when you grin do not make me feel less connected to you but rather closer to the woman who loved you enough to give you life.

Your sweet spirit and tender heart are just like your Father’s. I am reminded that you, as well as your siblings born from my womb, are not really mine at all. All of my children belong to our Father, and you are a gift for me to nurture. I do love Someone Else’s child. And it’s easy because He tucked that love here in my heart even before I met you.

With love,
Your mommy

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  1. thefarmerfiles says:

    This was very transparent. Beautiful.

  2. Julia DesCarpentrie says:

    Thank you all for your comments! I should mention that this is a common fear of many adoptive and biological parents- that they could ever love another child like their first-born. Trust in Him to provide that love!

  3. Julia,

    Thank you for so eloquently putting in words what is in my heart, too. I have three children- my son is biological and my two girls were adopted (from Guatemala and domestically). I have always felt that each of my children are on loan to me from God. Not long ago one of my daughter's classmates came up to her and said, "Is that your mom? You don't look like her." Kathryn (adopted from Guatemala) without missing a beat said, "That's because I look like my dad- we both have black hair. My brother looks like my mom".

    1. Julia DesCarpentrie says:

      I love that, Kelly! Sounds like you also emphasize the similarities in your family rather than differences. Kids want to fit in so bad, which can be difficult with international adoptions. Especially when in our family, our 2 bio kids look like clones of my husband and myself! So we are always looking for ways to affirm how our son from China is like us but also affirm his unique qualities from his birth family. I love to tell him how beautiful his skin is, how I get lost in his depthless black eyes, etc.

      Your children are blessed to call you 'Mom!'

  4. In the first few weeks after our adoption of Kristen (American by birth but Asian by heritage), I felt as though people would look at us and know she wasn't really our daughter. It didn't take long before I never thought of her as anyone else's. And I agree–at two days or (now) 24 years, she is ours in every way because we all understand how fully she belongs to Him.

    Thanks for this–so very, very much. BTW I posted it on my Facebook and my pastor asked for a copy to share with a couple he's counseling. May God continue to use your words to bring Him renown.

    1. Julia DesCarpentrie says:

      Thank you for sharing, Marti! It's good to hear from an adoptive mom a little further down the parenting road. And thank you for letting me know how God can use this to encourage others! Bless you.

  5. Awesome! I love your heart and all parents that can open their lives to loving others. How beautiful that you even mention a love for the woman who gave birth to your son. Thank you for sharing your heart and your story.

    1. Julia DesCarpentrie says:

      Birth mom is a very real person to my son, though we've never met and have no info about her. He still occasionally grieves her and we have made up a name for her so he has something to call her. Amazing how the heart is connected thru birth and thankful that God forges a heart-connection through adoption! Thanks, jk!

  6. I feel sorry for that woman who “could never love someone else’s child.” Such a comment implies a heavily guarded heart and a very narrow definition of love. Isn't every person someone else's child?

    1. Julia DesCarpentrie says:

      So true, Kristen! I have often prayed that the woman, who became a friend, could see herself as 'someone else's child:' a child of the King! He wants to adopt us, too! Have a blessed day!

  7. Michelle Galatoire says:

    Beautiful post, Julia.

    When I read about the other woman's comment, I thought of the poem below by Kahlil. And you, Julia, are a powerful bow.


    Kahlil Gibran

    Your children are not your children.

    They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

    They come through you but not from you,

    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

    For they have their own thoughts.

    You may house their bodies but not their souls,

    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

    You may strive to be like them,

    but seek not to make them like you.

    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

    You are the bows from which your children

    as living arrows are sent forth.

    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

    and He bends you with His might

    that His arrows may go swift and far.

    Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

    so He loves also the bow that is stable.

    1. Julia DesCarpentrie says:

      Oh, wow, Michelle- thank you so much for sharing that powerful poem! I have never read that before and it gives a lot to think about. You have blessed my day!

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