Last Updated on June 1, 2018

My book entitled SOS: Sick of Sex was written for women, but I am finding that many men are not only reading it, but also recommending it to other men to read.

In this book, I plead with women to believe God’s truth about sexual intimacy. But there is one lie that has left a great number of women with much guilt. It is not just that they were involved in pre-marital sex with their husbands but that there is still, even after years of marriage, much shame tied to sexual intimacy.

Recently I was thanked by a husband who shared that the book had helped him gain some much needed knowledge. He explained that he and his wife were sexually active prior to marriage and though they had discussed it and he had even asked for her forgiveness he now understands WHY he needs her forgiveness.

In SOS: Sick of Sex, a friend shares that she was sexually active with her husband before they were married. “He was the leader in the relationship before we got married, and he knew sex was wrong. Yet he continued to have sex with me. And now he is the leader in the relationship and sex is right.”

She cannot overcome the switch that was to take place and how her husband made the change so quickly. She still lives with the sin of that premature, inappropriate relationship every time he touches her. She cannot get over the fact that he was the leader and was willing to compromise when it was convenient prior to marriage, and now he is unwilling to compromise after marriage. “He wasn’t supposed to then and did—but now I am supposed to, and I don’t want to.”

I talk about sexual intimacy with a lot of women and they are still wondering, “Did my husband marry me because we were sexually involved?” or “How can we say anything to our own children about pre-marital sex without feeling like a hypocrite?” or “My husband has continued on like this does not affect him. But it surely does affect me.”

These are the things wives are saying. They are hanging onto this because there has been no repentance or resolution. If you and your husband have not discussed this and he has not apologized for being a self-centered leader in the relationship prior to marriage where sexual intimacy was concerned, it is time to get it resolved. Wives need to know that their men understand that your physical involvement, prior to marriage was a breach of trust and fraudulent.

Forwarding this post to your husband could be that first step towards conversation that will lead to healing.

Husbands reading this: Your wives need to understand that you are sorry for putting her in that position and with God’s help; she can trust you being the spiritual leader God has called you to be in your life and hers. Mostly, she needs to hear words that tell her you also have strong feelings of regret and remorse so she can move, with you, pass the guilt and shame.

May God bless our homes as we continue to make them godly homes.

[verse reference=”James 5:16”]Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. [/verse]

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  1. Robyn, EXCELLENT post. GREAT words of truth. May God use this in many many marriages

    1. Barbara,

      Praying that God would do just this for a whole lot of our sisters in Christ who may be bound. It is surely time for freedom for those that the SON has set free.

      Love you much,

  2. Robyn, thank you for speaking on this difficult subject. Even those who might not have experienced sex before marriage struggle with understanding God’s plan for sex. Before I married, I thought sex would be the easiest part of marriage. Now I realize, sadly, the opposite is true.
    Thanks for sharing your wisdom and your heart.

    1. Jennifer,
      Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and speaking on behalf of women who were not sexually active before marriage. ANYTHING we want to grow takes maintenance and a daily commitment to understand and apply what it takes for it to flourish. The enemy of marriage does not want us to fight for great intimacy, sexually or otherwise. Praying that each women that reads this post will fight for the truth about intimacy.
      In this for the long haul,

  3. I forwarded this post to a friend engaged to be married who is struggling with sexual purity individually as well as with his fiance. They clearly wish to do this differently this time, as followers of Christ, leaders in their circles and I hope your words here (maybe the book if they read it) will galvanize his resolve to remain chaste till their wedding. Thanks for so clearly expressing such a simple but profound concept with wide ramifications!

    1. Abel,
      Just wanted you to know that I just stopped and prayed for your friend. Thank you for taking the time just to forward a post showing how much you love and care about him. I know the other MomLife Today contributors will join us in prayer. We need young people who will stand for Christ even when its difficult. Because, Nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible with God!

  4. Roeshelle Jordan says:

    Hi Robyn, my name is Roeshelle Jordan and Im from College Station Texas home of the Tx A&M Aggies!!!! Thank you for your courage to speak out about women and sex. I like you like helping and building up people. I have a small business helping senior citizens with their transportation needs. I love sharing the word of God with everyone I come into contact with. But now in my spare time I’m working on starting a small ministry to start reaching out to younger women inspiring them to not settle for less than the best.