Sons and Aggressive Girls

Last Updated on March 11, 2024

“Mom!” Lexi was about to tattle. I could hear it in her little voice.

“There are girls at school who are touching Robby’s head and calling him ‘Velvet.’” Her tone betrayed her angst over the situation. I glanced over at Robby, who just shrugged his shoulders.

Inspired by a youth leader, my son had recently shaved his sixth-grade head. Now with the hair growing in, it truly did feel like velvet. I loved touching it. But did I want girls his age touching it, too? Was Lexi possibly overreacting? I’d find out the next day that she, in fact, was not!

I pulled into the school parking lot to pick up my kids. Robby was there before I knew it, and quickly opened the passenger door and plopped into the front seat. Lexi was lagging, so we waited. Suddenly the familiar faces of three of Robby’s female classmates were at the window of his door inviting him to put it down.

They giggled when he did, and one of them seductively said, “Hi, Velvet!”

Another reached in and began stroking his head … in front of me!

Counting to ten as I moved, I opened my door, walked around the minivan and motioned for the girls to join me a few feet away from Robby. They looked innocently confused at my obvious frustration.

“Girls,” I said as lovingly as I could. “You see that velvet over there?”

They smiled, bobbing their heads up and down and saying in unison, “Oh yes!”

“That’s MY velvet,” I asserted.

The smiles on their faces fell to the ground.

“Until Robby Gresh is in a marriage relationship, no girl needs to touch him … velvet or no velvet, OK?”

I turned and walked back into my minivan.

One of the number one concerns moms of boys write to me about these days is not porn. Not farts and boogers. It’s girls being aggressive with their sweet boys.

Aggressive girls are initiating relationships. And that includes sex by the time they are in middle and high school. Girls haven’t just been told that they need to have jobs, they’ve been told they had to have the same drives and sexual instincts as men. Just about the time the feminist movement told women to burn their bras, Gloria Steinem said that “a liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.” (Thanks, Gloria. That one has served our sons well, not to mention our daughters!)

The aggressive girl thing has certainly hit my family a few times, which has driven me to God’s word for some answers. When Robby was facing some big decisions about an aggressive girl in his life as a young adult, this mom had her face buried in the fibers of the carpet in intercession.

I read Proverbs 31. Do you know that for the first time I realized that this Proverb most often used to instruct women was written to a son! While it was written by a king, it was taught to the son by his mother! (Not kidding. Read the first verse.) It could have been written for us today.

Could you indulge me for a moment as I introduce you to the DGV, Dannah Gresh’s Version, of the Bible. Verses 2-7 basically say this:

“Watch out for aggressive girls!

Avoid rebellious friends!

Men of honor don’t get drunk, so leave the beer for those so far gone that it’s their only hope to overcome depression!

You should spend your time thinking not about yourself, but about the needs of others—those who can’t speak up for themselves, the poor and needy.”

The advice for our boys is clear. Watch out for aggressive girls! Of course, there are other guidelines for living there, too. What’s a guy get as his reward: a girl!

You see, the rest of the Proverb breaks into what is still the prayer of a mother’s heart today. If I could break the next twenty-one verses down into one promise from God for your son it would be:

“God has a better-than-rubies-girl waiting just for you!”

And we’re pretty sure that the only thing she’s aggressive about is having a heart for God and family.


This blog post is a compilation of excerpts from Dannah’s book, Six Ways To Keep The “Good” In Your Boy.


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Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys by Dennis Rainey


{Editor’s Note: Pray for your son’s future wife, the years pass quicker than you think moms! This article initially ran in 2012 and Dannah’s son is now happily married to his “better-than-rubies-girl” and is a new father of twins! }

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One Comment

  1. This is great info, Dannah! As the mother of girls, I appreciate it from several point of view. One, I want to teach my daughters to conduct themselves appropriately. Two, I am glad you are speaking on an issue that several of my friends who are mothers of boys have brought up. From what they say, the aggressive behavior is starting very young. So sad…