Last Updated on March 20, 2018

“Why doesn’t he want to spend time with us,” I wailed.  “Have we done something wrong?”

Our 18-year-old son had been busily working a summer job and spending time with his friends, and he wasn’t interested in spending much time at home. I missed him, and my feelings were hurt! (You know…because it’s all about me!)

My husband reassured me that it was normal for boys his age to want to be out a lot, that I should be grateful that he is making good choices, and that he really is a very responsible, sensitive and obedient young man. He assured me that, in time, it would calm down and he would probably want to be with his family a bit more.

I walked in the door feeling very frustrated. I made my way to the kitchen, turned on the water, and began scrubbing the pots that had been left there after dinner. My mind began to race. Frustration turned to irritation. My husband walked in the room and asked what was wrong. I was silent. Later that night I finally blurted it out, “Is there something wrong with me? You are so distracted lately. Is it something I’m doing? You don’t even compliment me anymore!” (You know…because it’s all about me!)

My normally-very-attentive husband had been distant lately. I was not used to that. I was not thinking objectively. Surprised, he began to reassure me that it was not anything I was doing, but that his job had him stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted.

Insecurities run deep, even at age 48! I thought I’d left that behind in high school, but that is not the case. Insecurity follows us through our entire life, if we are not careful. In fact, as I have gone through the different seasons of life — college, marriage, having babies, having adult children — insecurities have haunted me in each one. Am I doing it right? Will I fail? Am I a good wife? Am I a good mom? Will my adult children want to spend time with me? Will I drive them away? It can be controlling at times.

Then there comes the point where I must quiet the voice of insecurity. I stand up and yell, “BE QUIET!” Silence. Then I fall to my knees and cry out to God, “I can’t do this!” I never could. He adjusts my thinking, tells me to be faithful, and helps me back to my feet. I can breathe again!

Insecurity tells me that it’s all about me, and that it’s all up to me. Relief comes when I can lay it all at His feet, crawl up in His lap, and ask Him to make it all about Him.

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One Comment

  1. Jonelle Rodriguez says:

    Thanks for this reminder. So true, simple but how complicated we make it.