Last Updated on April 16, 2018

My husband struggles with workaholism, a time-stealing beast he continuously tries to tame. As his loving wife I have to do my very best to support him by praying for him and living with him in an understanding way as much as possible.

During one of those seasons in life when he was working more hours than he or I wanted him to I was pretty much on my way to turning into a shrew. Now granted, I had just cause and he knew it, but me adding more pressure was not, double not, the answer.

Our home was filled with turmoil because my attitude had pretty much tanked. At one point I even reasoned with myself that I should just pack up the kids and leave because he was never there anyway.

I even remember the snark in my thoughts when I declared to myself, He probably wouldn’t even notice for a few days. Which was foolishness because the only thing keeping that man upright was the love he had for us and his comfort in knowing we were well and safe.

At the core of my problem was that I had forgotten my vows, for better or for worse. This was a worse. A biggo worse.

My man was not breaking his vow, he was just in a tough season and I had to look beyond that season to who I knew he was and to what was best for our family. And what was best for our family was NOT me making matters worse by demanding my way.

I could let him have it—made my point with a loud voice and lots of words. I could have taken any semblance of love and peace that had been salvaged in our home and stomped it into the earth and grounded it to oblivion. (Drama queen moment just to give you a peek into the window of my aforementioned shrewness. Eek!)

My husband didn’t have time for me and I was hurt. And because he didn’t have time for me and I was hurt, I was ready to do something drastic to get his attention. Never once did I stop to consider that maybe God was doing something drastic to get my attention.

This tough season in our life led me straight to prayer, to God’s Word, to seeking Him as never before—which ultimately led to brokenness over the hole in my heart that needed to be filled by God’s love, not my husband’s attention.

God was at work even in my hard circumstances.

We weathered that storm because our home was built on a solid foundation. As the storm was wafting its way into the distance, my husband shared with me one night that his own walk with the Lord had been strengthened because I was so patient and kind with him when he had no right to receive such patience and kindness from me. He said he understood more fully Christ’s love for him was not based on his performance.

It was just after this tumultuous time that we got the call to leave corporate America to work and serve in ministry.

It is not lost on me that might never have happened had I made that drastic move to get some attention. The enemy was working overtime to try and thwart God’s plan for our lives.

Sweet mom, I don’t know the depths of your pain or the problems you are facing, but I do know God is not surprised by what you are going through. Seek Him in prayer, praise, worship and the reading of His Word.

[verse reference=”Isaiah 26:3″]He will keep in perfect peace those who trust Him.[/verse]

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  1. I needed to hear this today. I am going thru a somewhat similar season and its soo difficult. I see that God is doing things to get my attention-its my job to look for it and seek it out. I cant change my husband but I can change me. Thank you!

    1. What a blessing to know God used my life to help you see something in your own life! You have blessed me by sharing! I just lifted up a prayer for you! Blessings and hugs!

  2. I could not believe as I was reading your words…the very comfort in knowing there are other women who struggle with this. As I read you speaking of the fact that God was possibly trying to get YOUR attention and realizing it was God’s love which needed to fill the brokenness in your heart not your husband’s attention…I realized that this is EXACTLY what God was and what he continues to speak to me about. And as I sit here tonight while my husband is away on business waiting for him to call me and having those feelings of “even when away he is too busy for me”…my emotions take over, the Enemy knows my weakness and the attacks in my mind begin..I jump online to keep busy and I come across this! So I praise Jesus this very moment for once again speaking to my heart through your story. I pray, I pray that He continues to change my heart.

    1. Oh Tara … that is how very much God loves you … He took you to the life of a sister who has been there and can see on the other side! We can’t always understand His ways, but we can trust Him always! Just prayed for you and am giving you a prayer hug!

  3. Mocha mom says:

    I need prayer. I’m going through a rough time. It’s the opposite for me. My husband hasn’t been employed in 5+years. We have 3 kids and he doesn’t help with much of the house work. Adding in to this, is that my father has been hospitalized for 1+ month and I’ve been visiting him. I’ve asked my husband in several occasions to take care of the dishes so i could just come home to cook and several times I’ve had to just come home and do the dishes myself. -and that’s just an example. When I complain he says I don’t do anything, but aside from brining in the income, I’m breast feeding our youngest, trying to do laundry do our kids can go to school with clean yet wrinkled clothes, trying to keep up with the household messes and the list goes on. I feel alone in my marriage. Sometimes I find myself wishing he’d go and live with his parents again. He wakes up at noon often goes to the gym and seems to neglect that I need time to myself or with my dad. He could at the very least watch my 15 month old while I visit in the ICU. I need prayer. I can’t keep doing this. I feel like I don’t have a responsible husband and I’m about to break!! Prayers appreciated!

    1. Dear sweet Mocha … my heart is heavy for you and I have just prayed for you, your father and your husband and family. You are not alone, your Father in Heaven sees you and loves you. What a self giving, loving woman you are. May I suggest you speak with someone in your life who loves the Lord and ask them to agree with you in prayer that you need wisdom and guidance and that God would provide just that. I would suggest you and your husband seek some guidance from a local Pastor or an older Godly couple who could speak into your lives and offer wise counsel. The fact that you reached out through a comment here, indicates your need for Godly wisdom and my heart is that you would seek it from someone in your life. Be blessed.

  4. Wow! This is so timely for me. My husband is a youth pastor and this has been an ongoing struggle for him. Thank you for your transparency and perspective. Some days I so want to do something drastic as well. This has been something that has driven me to the Lord in a way unlike most other things in my life. God has been faithful through it all and I am so thankful for messages like these that speak to my heart and encourage me. I also watched Casting Crowns new song Broken Together today. Wow. I have really been struggling lately so thank you!

    1. Sweet Cathy! As those who serve others I am sure the weight of your lives can be heavy at times … we have several dear friends that serve in pastoral ministry. Thank you for loving others so well. That you seek God while under pressure is a beautiful thing and knowing my words reinforced His promptings in that way is a true blessing. I just prayed for you! Big Hug!

  5. I too can stomp to prove that I’ve been wronged easily according too biblical standards; but I choose to fogive. Thanks for words of encouragement.