Last Updated on March 20, 2018

I’ve got a confession, and it’s something I’m not proud of:

This mom’s got a big but.

Okay, before you go any further, check again and notice that the “but” I’m talking about only has one “t”, so don’t even go there. That’s another discussion altogether!

Today was one of those days when I showed my but. I’m a bit stretched; there are too many things to get done and not enough time to do it all. I’m sure you can relate. Anyway, I’ve got my tasks to complete and my children have theirs. I’m working hard … they are goofing off. Shocking, right?

I came upon the latest “goof off session” in progress and I snapped. It went something like this:

“I am so sick of me always being the one who has to do everything! I’m in here making dinner, all the while assuming that you two are in here doing your chores and you are playing around and goofing off! This should have been done a long time ago. I’m sick of this!”

I got stares and silence, then my son said, “I’m sorry, Mom, I’ll do better.”

With that, I stomped away.

I was back in the kitchen scurrying around and as my blood pressure began to subside I heard that still small voice say, That didn’t go well, did it? What did you just teach them to do when someone doesn’t live up to their expectations? Rant like a lunatic and vent your frustration on someone smaller than you.

So after some time praying and contemplating, I went back to each of them and apologized. It went something like this.

“I am so sorry I raised my voice at you … BUT it’s very disappointing to me when you don’t do the things I ask you to do. We all have to do our part around here, this family is a team.”

There it is—my big “but.” That big but should not be there. An apology does not include a big but. The Holy Spirit convicted me to apologize for my actions, not make an excuse for them by placing a big BUT on the end!

Something tells me I’m not the only mom out there with a big but. I encourage you to take a good hard look at how you approach an apology. Every time you need to make things right with someone I hope this thought will ring loud and clear in your head:

This mom should not have a big but! It’s unattractive, and it only gets in the way.

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  1. I definitely have this big but! Especially when my 12 year old step-son and I get into an argument, this big but comes out. Now I hear him saying it too! We need to stop this cycle. Would it be better to say something like this: “I’m really sorry I raised my voice at you. What I should have done is calmly say ‘I need you kids to take a break from playing to help me for a little while’. From now on, I will try to do that if you’ll try to help me with less prodding.”? That’s better communication, is it not? (not judging you… I’m asking for my future buts. 😉

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