Seeing Submission Through God’s Heart
Submission is one of those words that can make people uncomfortable—especially women, and especially wives. It’s often misunderstood, misused, or presented in a way that feels heavy instead of hopeful.
For a long time, I struggled with it too. Not because I didn’t love God or respect His Word, but because I didn’t fully understand what biblical submission was really asking of me. And honestly, my life before marriage made it even harder to wrap my head around.
Learning Submission Later in Life
When I got married, I was 34 years old. I had spent many years living independently—paying my own bills, managing my own home, and making all the decisions for my life on my own. I was used to being in control, and I was comfortable that way.
So when the topic of submission came up early in our marriage, it felt foreign. I didn’t want anyone telling me what to do, how to do it, or why I should do it—especially if I wasn’t convinced the advice was right. Letting someone else lead didn’t come naturally to me, even though my husband wasn’t trying to control me at all.
Over time, though, God began to gently shift my perspective.
Through prayer and time in His Word, I began to understand that submitting to my husband didn’t require losing my voice or my independence. It meant choosing trust—trusting God’s design and trusting the man I had committed to walk alongside.
As I watched my husband love me consistently, provide for me faithfully, and stand by me through some of the hardest seasons of my life and our marriage, something changed. I began to understand that the way God loves me, unconditionally and sacrificially, is reflected in the way my husband loves me too. That’s when submission stopped feeling threatening and started feeling safe.
What the Bible Really Says About Submission
Ephesians 5 is often referenced when talking about submission in marriage, but it’s important to read the whole picture:
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Ephesians 5:22–25
This passage addresses both sides of marriage, calling wives to submit and husbands to love their wives with the same love Christ shows the Church. And Christ’s love wasn’t controlling or self-serving. It was sacrificial. He served. He protected. He gave His life.
Biblical submission reflects order, trust, and alignment with God’s design. It involves choosing to follow someone who is actively seeking to follow Christ. When a husband leads with love, humility, and faith, submission becomes a response rooted in peace, not fear.
What Biblical Submission Is Not
Let’s be clear, biblical submission is not:
- Silence
- Loss of identity
- Blind obedience
- Tolerating abuse or mistreatment
God never calls women to stay in harmful situations. Submission should never be forced, demanded, or used as a weapon. It is meant to exist within a relationship marked by mutual respect, love, and accountability to God.
Submission Rooted in Love—In Marriage and Parenting
As my understanding of submission grew, God also showed me how this principle extends into parenting.
Scripture tells children to obey their parents, but that command is often quoted without the full context. Ephesians 6:1–4 says:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
That second part matters just as much.
Children are called to obey not because parents are meant to rule through fear or control, but because they are being led by someone who loves them, protects them, and wants what’s best for them. Obedience grows in the safety of relationship.
As a mom, this scripture challenges me just as much as it encourages me. It reminds me that authority, whether in marriage or parenting, was never meant to be harsh. God’s design calls parents to lead with patience and grace, creating an environment where obedience isn’t forced, but nurtured through trust.
Just as it’s difficult to follow a leader who is demanding or dismissive, it’s hard for children to obey when they feel unheard or provoked. God’s Word consistently points us back to love as the foundation for leadership.
A Design Built on Trust, Not Control
When I look at God’s design for family, I see a beautiful pattern. A wife submits to a husband who is called to love her sacrificially. Children obey parents who are instructed to lead with gentleness, and wisdom. And at the center of it all is Christ, who submitted to the will of the Father out of love, not obligation.
Submission, obedience, and leadership were never meant to diminish anyone. They were meant to create safety, unity, and peace within the home.
As a wife, a mom, and a child of God, I’m still learning what trust looks like in everyday life. But I know this: when love leads, fear loses its grip. When Christ is at the center, submission becomes an act of faith, not weakness.
And when we choose to follow God’s design, even when we don’t always get it right, our homes become places where grace shows up, love overflows, and our families can grow together.
