Looking For a Rescue
Sometimes I think I’m getting whacked repeatedly by the proverbial 2×4, except that I’m not having a really great revelation. Maybe a 2×4 isn’t the best analogy. Although I honestly have to say that the whacking sound matches the pounding in my head and the sad thumping of my heart sometimes.
One of the biggest whacks is the loss of dreams. I’ve lost some dreams that I thought were givens–the biggest being my “til death do us part” marriage.
Lately my dream of happily ever after seems a bit out of reach as well. I’ve realized that this single-mom life often doesn’t lend itself to the stereotypical romantic happily ever after. I’ve secretly, and sometimes not so secretly, been hoping for my prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet and fix this mixed up life of mine.
I long to be married again … for a partner in this life and for a stepfather who loves my children. But good golly, I don’t just have baggage, I have a storage unit! Remarriage would definitely be challenging…worth it, but challenging.
I was hoping for a rescue, dang it!
I sat down in tears thinking about what I want and how far away it seems. And I felt the injustice of my ex-husband’s remarriage. I can’t simply marry and skip off into the sunset. I have to consider five other people.
Please know that I wouldn’t have it any other way – but sometimes it just doesn’t seem fair.
I will tell you, immediately following that thought, God got all up in my face … in the kindest and most compassionate way. He reminded me that I have Him. And truly, really, Jesus is so much better than anyone or anything else.
Why do I forget that so easily?
Well, I know one reason is because He isn’t flesh and blood standing next to me with his arm around my shoulder, but God says He is enough and I believe Him.
But I still can tend to sink into the self-pity pit on a bad day.
And, God forgive me, sometimes I want more. I want romance, love, and companionship. But I know God understands and forgives me. And I know that this broken-hearted woman is loved relentlessly and passionately by Her Savior.
I pray the Lord will give me grace to see beyond the challenges, sadness, and brokenness to His unfailing love, faithfulness, and healing.
I pray, even though there will be moments when I long for what I’m missing, there will be more moments when I remember what I have.
I have five wonderful children who I love with abandon.
I have a Savior who loves me with abandon … to death on the cross and back again.
I have a life to live and I can still dream big dreams because I have a big God.
With God all things are possible – whether that’s a godly man joining our family or me knowing that happily ever after is a given because that’s how God planned it.