woman-depression

There have been times when I entered an unknown space … hopeful, excited anticipation. Unaware of what exists there. I sit down in that space. Make myself comfortable. Become acclimated. Learn to function in the unknown. Seeing only the brightness of this new space.

Seeing only the brightness.

Then it happens. I glance over my shoulder and see darkness. Something that doesn’t belong in the space. I am shocked. Surprised. Yet still optimistic.

Again, it happens. Only this time I look up and I see why there was darkness. The darkness I see is a shadow. Looming over me is a cloud. It begins to fill the space. Only small rays of the original light shines through.

Disillusioned, I stand to my feet. I rub my eyes and look again. Am I seeing things clearly? I want to make sure. Yes. There is some darkness in the space. And I. Don’t. Like. It!

WHERE’S THE EXIT?

I frantically look around for the exit. Ready to run. I want out. This is no longer the space for me. Nobody told me that there would be a dark side to the space. Nobody told me. This is not what I expected. This is not what I want. This is not the way it’s suppose to be.

I become miserable and confused in the space. I can no longer see the parts of the space where the light peaks through the cloud and streams bright, right onto my feet. I can’t see that because I am too busy seeing the cloud…and the shadow.

I’m trying to figure out why there has to be darkness at all!

I find the exit. YAHOOOOO! I am out. Of. Here!

Then I feel the tug. Someone has grabbed my arm and is pulling me back. Away from the exit. They won’t let me leave. I turn and say, “Don’t you see it? Don’t you see the cloud? I don’t want to be in a space where there is a cloud!”

“It’s not supposed to be this way!” I say

The tugging stops, I feel the grip loosen, and I ask, “Can I leave now? Do I have to stay?” I don’t like the answer. I don’t like the answer at all!

He says:

“Stay in that space! Learn to exist in it. Learn to walk in the light. You don’t have to stand in the darkness. There is some light. LOOK FOR IT! If you are looking for a space that has no darkness, you need to know right now: IT DOES NOT EXIST!

All spaces have some darkness. Look around and find the light in that space you are in. Stand in it. Bask in it. Exist in it. ”

I learn that it is possible to exist in what seems like a dark space, and yet find the streams of light that do still exist.

I learn that I MUST exist in what seems like a very dark place, and do it such a way that brings even more light.

I learn that it must be enough to exist in the space knowing that there may be times when the only one who sees that I am in that space, and standing in the light … is the One who led me to that space in the first place.

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One Comment

  1. Thanks for the reminder. I’ve been studying the life of James recently. Trials develop our faith along with perseverance and endurance. All lead us to maturity. Not saying it is fun, but the end result is blessing!
    Thanks, sister friend!