No one has ever loved me like my husband does. I’m not sure why, I only know that Steve’s love for me overlooks my flaws, my tendency to be critical, and my bad habits.

His unconditional love is what helped me to “hang in there” when stepfamily living got tough. That coupled with the fact that he is the most honest man I know.

Over the last 26years when step family issues such as: the former spouse, his kid’s behavior, or the financial strain of supporting two households would surface I’d ponder, “This is not the life I wanted.”

But then I would think about Steve’s patience with me during the difficult seasons in my life. Five years into our marriage I wrestled with pain, shame, and grief related to my childhood.

It wasn’t pretty. I was miserable and cried —a lot. Having a wife that wept uncontrollably likely wasn’t what my husband dreamed of in a second marriage, either.

My dad died in 2010. Along with him went all the little girl hopes and dreams I had for what our relationship could have been. Because of this I’ve made the mistake of thinking Steve can and should meet the needs in my life. However, it’s not his job to create in me a sense of significance, fulfillment, and peace—that’s up to someone much mightier. I’m placing a terrible burden on my husband when I expect him to meet those needs and fill a God-sized role.

I’m sure Steve felt helpless during my seasons of emotional healing, but he tenderly offered support and a listening ear. His faithfulness is one of the things I admire the most about him.

And there is more to love. When Steve’s sons were young I watched him weep more tears than I could count over issues related to his divorce. I was totally unaware that a man could hurt that deeply over his children. Sometimes his grief was related to the death of the dream he had for his children to grow up in a stable 2 parent home. Often it was fear that his children didn’t know and believe how deeply he loved (and loves) them.

If that isn’t enough Steve has excellent Bible knowledge and financial skills which got us completely out of debt. He created a trust account and we met a lawyer that organized our will and finances in a way that makes it very easy for me to understand. Steve knows I’m concerned about my financial future should he die before me. He has diligently gone out of his way to make me feel secure.

Is stepfamily life considerably harder that I thought it would be? Yes. Have I felt like throwing in the towel numerous times in the past 26 years? Yes.

But I’m so glad I didn’t.

Happy Father’s Day, Steve. Marrying you is the second best decision of my life. Jesus is the first.

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3 Comments

  1. Laura,

    Thank you for being so honest in your struggles with your past. My parents divorced when I was two and I never really had a good role model of marriage. Looking back over the first few years of my marriage (there are time I catch myself doing it today) I realize I was trying to make my husband heal wounds that he didn’t create or deserve the fallout from. I have recently had to reach down deep once again when our first child was born and realize I was trying use her to help me fullfill something I feel like I missed out on in my childhood. And honestly, there are times it is a daily struggle but God has used my husband and children to help heal wounds. Thanks for your openess.

  2. Heather- Thank you for your kind words. There are many, many of us women who have “Daddy” wounds. and then we become a Christian and think that just because we forgive, that the pain, scars and effects have disappeared. I see many marriages fall apart because either the husband or the wife have not dealt with childhood pain. So i’m really proud and happy that you are recongnizing this issue. Jesus can heal the pain of the past, but I have found He does it gently, patiently over time, and in ways I would not have dreamed. He is STILL healing me, and I’m 56!! May the Lord “restore to you the years the locusts have eaten.” On my web site I have numerous articles and DVDs on this subject, including my favorite, “Who’s Your Daddy?” if you wish to take a peek. Under His Wing, Laura

    1. I will check out those resources, thanks once again!