Since my four daughters were very little, I have always looked forward to Mother’s Day and my birthday. They have always been super kind with making me drawings and later writing little poems about how much they love having me as a mom. It was very sweet.
My oldest daughter just turned 20, and my triplet daughters are now 17.
At this stage in life, it’s not so easy to recognize their admiration of mom.
I’ve gone through a season lately where I feel overwhelmed, overlooked and unappreciated.
We are in the stage where everything mom says or does is inaccurate. And the things I do for them out of love is not met with much recognition.
This stage is not so fun. I’d rather redo late night feedings and change dozens of diapers!
It’s also a season where I am looking ahead, realizing my oldest will one day be married and my triplets have one year until they graduate high school. Where did my babies go? Where are all the squeezy hugs with their little arms around my neck and the butterfly kisses?
They’ve been replaced with early morning grunts, eye rolls and a “see you later” as the door slams behind them.
I mutter to myself as I walk through the house picking up soccer socks, hoodies and unrecognizable food particles off the floor.
I begin looking at the piles of dishes in the sink that one of them said she would finish. I closed the kitchen cabinets that were left hanging open. I make my way to their bathroom and shriek. The mess glares at me.
I pick up a mug filled with lukewarm coffee left on the bathroom counter. I dump it in the sink and wade through the hallway back to the kitchen to start those dishes before I have to get myself ready for work.
Do they think I have all the time in the world to clean up after them? My phone buzzes with a text. One of my teenagers needs to know if “so and so” can come to dinner. I decided to answer it later because I was just too angry.
I carry this heaviness with me for weeks. Months. I even let them know my feelings in a high-pitched tone of frustration,
“I’m tired of doing everything and no one appreciates it!!!”
It’s met with raised eyebrows and looks of “she’s losing her mind.”
My kids really are not bad kids. Really. All four girls have great character and openly and willingly serve Jesus in many ways.
I know this mess and mayhem and lack of gratitude is a “normal” scenario at this stage. They are not delinquents or out partying and living wild and free. I really should not complain.
But oh. The emotions.
When these feelings overwhelm me, I sometimes feel out of control. I get a nasty attitude and huff and puff in the presence of my family members. I grumble and snarl as I scrub the dishes someone else was supposed to do. Or perhaps I come home and the house is a mess as teenagers have left for the evening. I give lectures via text. And then I cry.
“God, why can’t you make them learn? They know what puts me in a bad mood. Why do they not care?”
I fight so hard against flesh and try very much not to unleash wrath on my girls. I try to be firm but get my point across.
Recently I sat on my recliner one morning after a few days of this malicious attitude waging war inside my mind. I opened up the Word of God. I knew full well the only way to see improvement was to ask Him to change ME.
Oh, how often the Lord must look at us as we fail to do what we are supposed to do and fail to thank Him for taking care of business on our behalf.
I came to the scriptures that spoke of the mind of Christ.
“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature [God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature] of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!”
Philippians 2:5-8
Now, back up a few verses to Philippians 2:3-4:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Isn’t this my mission? Isn’t this what God has called me to?
Yes. And yes.
If I want my daughters to live out these verses, I should be able to demonstrate it. One day they, too, will be moms. Their children will be teenagers, and in their mom roles they will be exhausted and emotional. I pray I can be there for them and guide them gently through the chaos.
Lord, forgive us when we take for granted our seasons – even the ones without appreciation for all we do. Help us to focus on the mission at hand and serve YOU first.