Teenagers do dumb stuff.
They totally disagree with this statement, but we as parents know it is true. Even the best Christian kids can find themselves making less than intelligent decisions and falling into some kind of mayhem.
Maybe it’s driving over the speed limit, taking a curve a little too wide and rolling into a ditch. Maybe it’s a poor choice in whom they choose to date, focusing on appearances rather than the heart. Maybe it’s taking a dare and doing something so crazy that you pray no one has their cell phones out capturing the idiocracy.
The possibilities of stupidity as a teenager are endless.
And may I stress again, even the most disciplined Christian teens can find themselves in moron territory.
So how do you handle the “dumb” stuff, mom?
I think most of us warn and warn and warn again of the consequences of their behavior. We threaten in advance and hope it is enough to scare them out of being ridiculous.
What response do you get? If it’s like my teen daughters, you hear the eye roll in their tone as they say, “I know, mom.”
Nope. You do not. You do not know. They never know. They think they know. But they DO. NOT. KNOW. (Do you sense how that statement irks me? Ha ha.)
Should Christian parents let teens fail?
Some of us may jump in front of our teens with arms spread wide, blocking the consequences of their decisions as best as we can. We remove any obstacles we can and set boundaries so high and so firm that they need a locksmith or a stick of dynamite to blast through it. We think we’re pretty firm.
Yeah, that’s not the way to go.
I heard someone say recently that we cannot run in front of our children’s testimony so we can keep them spotless clean.
The teen years are transforming years. Most of us can say it was the teen years where our faith was most tested and where we learned from our own mistakes.
If you’re like me, you would like to forget all those mistakes and not breathe a word of the cringe-worthy moments from yesteryear. Yet, you are grateful for them and Christ’s transformation in your life as a result.
So why would we rob our kids of their opportunity to mess up?
Don’t get me wrong. I do not think we should sit idle while our kids experiment with drugs and alcohol and premarital sex or any other sin that makes a Christian momma gasp in horror.
Stay with me here. I’m not saying we become tolerant. I’m saying we become discerning.
Praying for your teen’s discernment
I have written many times about my focus on prayer for my daughters. And one thing I have spoken openly about is how I pray they get caught.
The best thing that can happen to a new believer – or anyone for that matter – is to get his or her hand stuck in the cookie jar. Snap that cell phone photo. It’s “Be Reel” time!
Embarrassment and humiliation is enough to humble most. We can warn them repeatedly and hope they heed the red flags. You and I both know that there is always the kid who will touch that hot stove anyway.
Let it burn him.
Maybe it’s NOT YOU who will catch them. Maybe it’s the school. Maybe it’s another parent. Maybe it’s law enforcement.
That is your opportunity to address the situation. This does not mean you jump in and throw your pointing finger in his face and say “Aha! I told you!” (Boy, it would feel great to do that, though wouldn’t it? Especially after all of the “I know better than you do, mom” statements. Ugh.)
You talk about how the consequence can be worse and thank God for it. And you discipline according to the severity of the sin. This, my friends, is how we teach our children there are consequences to their actions.
While you pray for their arrested development so to speak, I suggest another important prayer.
As you yourself use discernment, pray for your teen’s discernment.
I pray scripture regularly over my kids. And I have certainly prayed this passage: Philippians 1:9-10,
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.”
Ask the Lord to give your child discernment so that he is blameless. And look at the start of that passage: ask the Lord to let their love for Him and His word grow so that he understands what is good and right and pure and what is not.
This is from where discernment comes. It comes from the Lord.
He may answer that prayer by letting him/her do the “dumb stuff” and get caught. The discernment may grow as a result of their own stupidity.
And trust me, God sees what they do in secret.
Trust Him. Pray. He knows what He’s doing.