At some point in our lives, you’ve probably sought a good friend. Maybe you sought friendship from a sibling, classmate, coworker, or spouse. Many of us have sought kindness and loyalty from others in different seasons.
I am guilty of being that mom who’s always looking for a fellow mom-bestie at the park with kids around the same age as mine. Playdates + girl talk = winning!
But as much as I’ve sought friendship from others, I am terrible at texting people back. I’ve often had to reflect on whether or not I am the friend I seek in others.
When Friends Fail: Learning from Job’s Story
Let’s look at the life of a man in the Bible named Job. Job had everything you could imagine: wealth, notoriety, legacy, and more. Yet, because of his unparalleled righteousness, God allowed satan to test Job and he lost everything.
Although God created us to be in relationship with others, Job grieved his relationships:
“He has removed my brothers from me; my acquaintances have abandoned me. My relatives stop coming by, and my close friends have forgotten me. My house guests and female servants regard me as a stranger; I am a foreigner in their sight. I call for my servant, but he does not answer, even if I beg him with my own mouth. My breath is offensive to my wife, and my own family finds me repulsive. Even young boys scorn me. When I stand up, they mock me. All of my best friends despise me, and those I love have turned against me.”
Job 19:13-19 CSB
When disaster struck, Job wasn’t met with the kind words he anticipated. Throughout the book, Job’s friends take this opportunity to argue with him about his integrity and righteousness. They have asserted a need to shut him down or “silence him” as they continue to refute his rebuttals. That’s not what Job needed.
Job needed and wanted a friend who would pray for him and with him:
“I have heard many things like these. You are all miserable comforters. Is there no end to your empty words? What provokes you that you continue testifying? If you were in my place I could also talk like you. I could string words together against you and shake my head at you. Instead, I would encourage you with my mouth, and the consolation from my lips would bring relief.”
Job 16:2-5 CSB
Instead of arguing, Job states that he would bring comfort.
What Job needed was friends who would comfort him. Friends who would sit and listen even if they didn’t quite understand or agree. Yes, they could have given him their thoughts, but maybe only once. Their words could have been seasoned with grace. Their hearts could have been filled with compassion. They were better off sitting in silence as they previously did.
Being the Friend Others Need
Although we often seek good friendship from others, I want us to reflect on how good of a friend we actually are in return.
Of course we’ll never be able to fully understand and empathize with every experience our friends have. Yet, we can be kind, not rude, not irritable, loyal, compassionate, and caring. Job says that the words from his lips would “bring relief” to a suffering friend. His words would be full of encouragement.
Would yours? Would mine?
I’d encourage you this week to take a few minutes to read the first three chapters of Job. As his friend, how could you encourage him? What would you have said?
Let’s continue to be the friend that other people need. And for those of us who are generally the friends who pour out to others, I pray that God will fill you up and surround you with life-giving friends.
A Friendship Prayer
Lord,
Thank you for being my friend. When I open my heart, You fill in my gaps. Thank you for being there for me when other people have failed me. I don’t want to take my friendship for granted. Please surround me with good friends here on earth. Once you bring those people to me, help me to be a good friend to them. I pray for unity and love.
In Jesus’ name, I pray.
Amen.
Time to Reflect
Here are a few reflection questions on friendship for us to think about this week.
- Can you recall a time when a friend needed you, but you did not want to show up for them?
- Do you naturally empathize well with others? Are you a good listener?
- When someone shares their story with you, are your responses mostly solution-driven or about yourself?
- Are you surrounded by friends who comfort or tear down?