This month my husband and I turn 15 – we celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary! In honor of each year of marriage together, here are 15 ways we’ve learned to stay connected:
15 Keys to Marriage Connection
1. As believers, it’s important that both you and your husband pursue your own personal relationship with the Lord.
If this becomes unbalanced, it will strain your relationship. We must rely on the creator of marriage to have a fruitful marriage. I will always say and stand by this.
Ephesians 5 gives us some great examples of what this should look like…
“Wives, follow the lead of your own husbands as you follow the Lord.” (Eph 5:22)
“Husbands, love your wives. Love them just as Christ loved the church. He gave himself up for her.” (Eph 5:25)
“In the same way, husbands should love their wives. They should love them as they love their own bodies. Any man who loves his wife loves himself. (Eph 5:28)
“Scripture says, “That’s why a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. The two will become one.” (Eph 5:31)
“That is a deep mystery. A husband also must love his wife. He must love her just as he loves himself. And a wife must respect her husband.” (Eph 5:32)
2. Work to build and cultivate trust.
Without trust we can’t have true connection and trust requires honesty and maturity.
3. Be intentional about loving each other in the way each person is wired.
It’s not just about love them in the way that feels most comfortable to you.
4. Allow yourselves to be each other’s mirror.
Since our spouse is the closest person to us, they will see and experience the good, bad & ugly parts of us. We should avoid becoming defensive when they share things that require personal growth and reflection.
5. Remember that some things about you and your husband will change over the years.
Commit to learning each other in every season of life you experience together.
6. When there are disagreements, seek to understand.
Don’t be so focused on “winning the argument”, but instead focus on “seeking understanding.”
7. Give each other space to be themselves.
Don’t try to make the other be someone they aren’t… or someone we want them to be.
8. Sex and intimacy are beautiful!
Willingly become an expert in each other’s desires
9. Establish boundaries.
Decide on your boundaries for yourselves, friends, family & co-workers, and then respect and honor them
Read this next: How to Keep Your Marriage Strong
10. Compromise in a healthy way.
And remember, it’s not healthy if one person always gets their way.
11. Never stop dating each other
Some ways my husband and I never stop dating each other are:
- We always pause to celebrate our anniversary. Whether it’s a thoughtful, romantic dinner at home, dinner at a restaurant, a staycation or vacation, celebrating our anniversary is always cemented on our life calendar.
- We will find a show or movie to watch together (during a time I won’t fall asleep!)
- Date and conversation cards are a great resource. Here is a set we own: The Ultimate Game for Couples
- We’ve used a Marriage Devotional, which was very critical during my husband’s deployment: #Staymarried: A Couples Devotional
(These resource recommendations are designed only for the purpose of spouse connection. There are varying levels of familiarity with each suggestion so these recommendations do not equal the full endorsement of or alignment with the authors or producers.)
12. LAUGH! Fun and laughter increase the intimacy between a husband and wife.
My husband and I share a similar sense of humor and we always find things to laugh and joke about.
13. Be strict about the kids’ bedtime!
We set a bedtime for our kids and stick to it. Once the house is quiet and settled this gives us time to recharge individually and reconnect with each other after a long day.
14. Find a trusted village to watch your kids.
Staying on the topic of kids, you need a trusted village who can step in and watch them. This allows you to have date days, date nights, and if possible, to take trips.
15. And lastly, be friends and grow to be best friends.
Be intentional about finding things to do together. An easy way to do this is to find and have common interests. I know schedules and life are full but fight for this.
Another way to grow in friendship is to communicate throughout the day.
This is not a one-size-fits-all list as we all have different properties, capacities, and life schedules. But hopefully you can implement one or two of these ideas in your marriage to ignite, strengthen, and cultivate connection with your spouse.
Remember, this takes two. You can’t fix or change your spouse. Both individuals have to be willing to work for and have a desire for connection.
What’s one way you and your husband strengthen your marriage connection that isn’t listed above? Share it in the comments!