In the 15 years I’ve been a mom, I’ve evolved as the mom I am. Of course I’ve gotten more confidence. And nowadays, I get more sleep.
But I’ve also had to learn how to merge my faith into motherhood. It’s an integral part of my life and has been for years. Yet, in daily life, living out a good example of faith for my children is important and can be a challenge.
I want to be patient, kind, gentle, loving and joyful. In reality, though, when I’m juggling all the demands coming at me, I struggle with these things.
When God recently led me to take a deep dive into the Fruits of the Holy Spirit, I was on board, but I never expected the difference good fruit could make in my everyday life as a mom.
What are the Fruits of the Spirit?
In the book of Galatians 5:22-23, the Apostle Paul lists nine Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. These are character traits the Holy Spirit can bestow on us and help us with if we ask.
As I stopped to truly think about these attributes of a Godly life, I realized each one of them is a characteristic of a good Christian mother. There isn’t one spiritual fruit on the list not part of being a Godly mama.
Needless to say, this realization made me take a really close look at the Fruits and how to live them out as a mom.
Let’s get practical
Knowing you want to live with these traits is one thing. Putting them into practice is another.
The first and most important step for living out the Fruit of the Spirit as a mom is to pray and ask for God’s help in our daily lives. We need the guidance of the Holy Spirit to live out this kind of fruit because it goes against our sinful nature.
The power of God is available to us through prayer, and we must seek it out.
Another key component to spiritual growth is Bible study and really digging into God’s Word. The Bible truly is the living and breathing Word of God.
For example, I have read about the Fruit of the Holy Spirit in Galatians many times in my life and even studied them previously. But this recent study, God’s Spirit revealed them to me in a whole new light.
Along with prayer and Bible study, there are other practical examples of the Fruit of the Spirit and how we moms can produce much fruit daily.
Living the fruit of love
The first Fruit of the Spirit, love, is referring to agape love, which exemplifies God’s love for us as both unconditional and unselfish. If we want to emulate the love of God in our own lives and for our families, there are some practical steps we can take to do so.
1. Focus on the positive.
Being filled with love is hard when you are only seeing the downside of things. I struggle to truly love my husband in an unselfish way when I’m zeroed in on one of his faults.
Keeping our mindset on the positive traits and characteristics of people around us allows us a better chance to truly love them. Thinking about the good things my children do instead of their shortcomings makes it easier for me to love them more fully.
You can apply this with strangers as well and assume the best of intentions. The power of God is such that you never know when one small display of love can make a huge difference in someone’s life.
2. Have perspective.
I had a professor in college whose philosophy was, “If I’m going to laugh about it later, I might as well laugh about it now.” That’s stuck with me.
Some things in life are just never funny, that’s for certain! But other times we truly do make mountains out of molehills. We see challenges and issues as much bigger than they actually are.
Before you get upset and start to live in a less-than-loving way, pause and think. Is this going to still be upsetting to you five years from now? What about five months, five weeks or even five minutes from now? If it isn’t, then let it go!
Another important perspective to keep in mind as a mom is our children’s ages. Without realizing it, we can often expect more of them than they are capable of handling at their age.
3. Living the fruit of joy
Biblical joy is a different sort of joy than just general happiness. The Greek word for joy is chara, which shares the same root as the Greek word for grace. So joy and grace come from the same place.
The joy of the Lord isn’t based on the things we have or can do. Instead, joy is a gift from God we receive when we’re in relationship with Him.
4. Remember Jesus.
During one of the most difficult times of my life, I sat in church feeling overwhelmed and at a loss. Nothing made sense and I couldn’t even bring myself to sing the worship songs.
My mind was racing so much that I couldn’t focus on the preaching. I was crying out to God for help and then I noticed the cross sitting on the platform.
God poked my heart. Did I believe He sent His Son to die for my sins? My answer was yes. If so, then nothing else truly mattered. He was still the same in the midst of my hurt and despair. I just needed to remember Jesus.
In fact, the shepherds heard the same message from the angel on the night Jesus was born. The angel declared the good news that “great joy” had come into the world. Jesus Christ is and can be our joy all the time — even during hard times.
5. Stay connected to God.
If God is the source of our joy, then we need to stay connected to Him. There are many ways to do that. Regularly attending a worship service is a big one. Find a group of fellow believers to connect and worship with.
The best explanation for why we should go to church came from a preacher I heard decades ago. He said he’d been married for many years. His wife did all the cooking. He couldn’t begin to list what he’d had for dinner every night of his marriage, but he knew he was fed.
Church is the same way. I can’t begin to list every sermon or Bible study lesson I’ve been a part of. But they have all fed me spiritually. We need connection to God to remain in Him and receive His joy.
Living the fruit of peace
The peace of God isn’t about a lack of conflict. Rather it is about the presence of something — or Someone — who brings wholeness and wellbeing.
As followers of Christ, we can experience God’s peace regardless of what’s going on in our personal life.
Rejoice in and praise God.
Philippians 4:4 starts with reminding us to rejoice in the Lord. In fact, Paul felt it was so important, he used the word “Rejoice” two times in a short verse.
We can better have inner peace when we are rejoicing in and praising God, because our focus shifts to Him. And focusing on God leads to peace.
A great way to do this practically is by listening to Christian music and praising through song. Another great option is to begin a daily practice of praising God for specific gifts He’s given you.
Be careful what you put into your mind.
We also must be careful what is going into our minds. Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and praiseworthy.
My peace evaporates when I let in too much of the world. Whether it’s through watching the news, reading things on social media or just dwelling on my own problems, I lose peace and feel only anxious, sadness and even hopelessness.
Find ways to keep your focus on the good things of God and not on the bad things of the world. We should be aware of problems and can’t hide our heads in the proverbial sand, but we also want pour in more good stuff from God than bad stuff from the world so we have the strength and peace we need.
Take breaks from social media. Watch shows or movies that uplift you. Listen to music that reminds you of God. Sometimes the little things we change can make a big difference.
Living the fruit of patience
Patience is essentially not giving up on others and continuing to minister to them in spite of their shortcomings. Of all the people in my life, I’m most familiar with the shortcomings of my husband and children because I spend the most time with them.
Finding different ways to help me remain patient with them in addition to the power of the Holy Spirit is important.
Get outside yourself.
A few years ago, I knew I was going to have to deal with a person for a few days in a row who really challenges my patience. After praying about it, I determined my best strategy was to keep my hands busy, my mouth shut and my head down.
Sometimes helping and giving to others gets us out of noticing all the things that try our patience. We focus more on what we can do for others and less on what others are doing to us.
Don’t lose hope.
Romans 8:25 (ESV) says this: ““But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”
When we have hope for the future and what God has for us, it’s easier to be patient and wait for it. In my own life, I learned this lesson through selling a house, because the process took nearly a decade!
I worked through all sorts of emotions. Eventually, God and I got to the point where I knew I just had to let it all go. I was ready to completely trust Him.
My hope had been shattered in a variety of ways throughout the entire process, but slowly God healed my heart and gave me a new hope. He reminded me of His presence and goodness.
Once I again had hope, having patience was easier. I could wait in knowing whatever God had in store for me was going to be good and worth the wait.
I can assure you it was. And that lesson is one I bring with me as I continue to wait in other situations and circumstances.
If we can keep our hope in God, then we can trust Him for His goodness and have patience in the waiting.
Living the fruit of kindness
Kindness comes from lives influenced by the Holy Spirit, and it all starts with God. God’s goodness and kindness gave us first Jesus to save us and then the Holy Spirit to pour into us.
Be careful with your words.
Words are powerful and can either build up or destroy. God calls us to use them wisely. Just check out these two verses from Ephesians:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” — Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
What we say matters greatly. Our words reflect our hearts, so we must use them with care.
The words we use with strangers and our families alike should build them up, show them grace, exemplify kindness, reveal a tender heart and quickly forgive.
You can take this practical step even further and make a list of positive words you want to regularly work into your vocabulary.
Don’t judge others.
We all struggle with passing judgment on others to some degree. We judge whether someone’s actions are better or worse than our own. We quickly judge based on what we see on the surface.
But not only is judging others unfair and unkind, it also shows scorn toward God who forgave us and judged us with His kindness, according to Romans 2:3-4.
When we are too busy judging others and finding them (or ourselves!) falling short, then we are unable to focus on the good work of kindness God has called us to do.
Living the fruit of goodness
Biblical goodness is defined as a moral purity that shows the character of God. God is good all the time. Goodness comes from God.
Do good things for others.
This sounds pretty straightforward, but we don’t always notice the needs of others around us, let alone attend to them.
When we have an opportunity and ability to do good for someone else, then we should take it, because that’s what Jesus would do. We must remember this in our own families as well as outside of our homes.
We need to pay attention to when our loved ones are struggling and jump in to help. Maybe we even just need to remember to use good words to commend our children for doing something correctly. How ever we can help and encourage others, we should.
Living this out is a powerful way to show our children what God’s love in action looks like.
Be generous.
Not everyone is wealthy, but living out goodness in the way God defines it means giving to others. You can do that financially, but you can also share your time, talents and more.
We strive to teach our children to share, but do we always model that? I know I sure don’t! Finding ways both big and small to be generous is a characteristic of goodness.
One great way to model this with children is through food pantries. Save money, shop for food and then and donate it together. Or volunteer together to help on distribution days.
Living out the fruit of faithfulness
Living a life of faithfulness simply means placing our faith in God. Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) says it this way: “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
Throughout the Bible we can find one example after another of God’s faithfulness to His children. God’s promises are always fulfilled. This remains true today as well.
Ask God to increase your faith.
Even the disciples of Christ Jesus struggled with faith — and they spent day after day witnessing His power and miracles. It’s OK to recognize and admit when you’re struggling with faith.
Simply ask God in prayer to increase your faith and help your unbelief. Ask Him to help you draw closer to Him.
Know the Word of God.
Reading the Bible is always important for growing in the Fruits of the Spirit. But beyond just reading the Bible, we need to really absorb and know it.
In fact, Romans 10:17 (ESV) tells us the importance of the Word for helping us grow in faithfulness: “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.”
We can better know the Word of God through listening to sermons, memorizing Scripture and studying the Word. These things help us grow in our relationship with God, which in turns strengthens our faith.
Living out the fruit of gentleness
Gentleness may just be one of the most misunderstood spiritual fruits in modern times. We tend to associate gentleness with weakness. And our world views weakness negatively, promoting instead a need for self-reliance, independence and strength.
However, gentleness isn’t about being weak at all. Gentleness is more about loving others.
In other words, a mom with a gentle spirit stands firm in her beliefs, speaks difficult truths while maintaining a humble and calm attitude. She thinks about the needs of the person with whom she’s interacting.
Don’t talk badly about others.
We are called to be obedient and do what is good while not talking badly about others – whether those in authority or those we encounter regularly. Instead, we should be peaceful, considerate and gentle toward everyone.
As moms, we need to also be careful of the words we use in talking about others because our children are paying attention to what we say and do. We want to model behavior to them that doesn’t verge on gossip or harsh judgments.
Avoid responding in anger.
Anger itself isn’t a sin. How we react and respond to anger is what can get us in trouble. After all, even Jesus had times of anger like when He entered the temple and found money changers using it to cheat and overcharge people in Matthew 21:12-13 (NIV).
Jesus corrected the money changers and was angry at how they were desecrating God’s temple, but He didn’t let His anger control Him. Sometimes keeping our anger in check so we don’t lash out with cruel words can be difficult.
Yet, responding with gentleness when we’re angry has a tremendous impact for more than just ourselves. Often a gentle response diffuses a situation while an angry response just adds fuel to the fire.
During moments of anger, before responding, stop and say a quick prayer and maybe even count to three to give yourself a pause so you can keep your words in check.
Living out the fruit of self-control
There are three types of self-control: passions, desires and will. Passions refers to our strong emotions, such as love and anger. Desires bring pleasure, such as food and sex. Will is our inner strength to resist temptation and not make rash decisions.
Having self-control in all these areas is important to live wisely and have a strong defense against Satan.
Know what you believe.
If you’ve been around churches or Christians for any amount of time, you probably are familiar with various “rules” for what being a “good Christian” looks like. There are all sorts of rules out there.
And when we follow those rules, we think we are living a self-controlled life, but we must truly understand what we believe in order to really live with self-control.
Just following the rules doesn’t mean we actually have self-control for the right reason of pleasing God and living in His Spirit. It just means we are living with self-control for our own preservation in order to not get in trouble or to get praise from others.
Examining our heart and motivations for what we truly believe is important. Dig into the Bible to see what God reveals to you and talk with a trusted spiritual leader for additional insight.
Once you know what you really believe, then ask God to show you how He wants you to live. Knowing and following that truly builds the characteristic of self-control.
Ask God for renewal of your inner self.
Self-control deals with your inner self, so you need to be aware of and take care of your inner self. You can ask God in prayer to renew your inner self and trust that He’ll do so.
Our physical bodies may get weak, but God can keep our spiritual, inner self strong and renewed if we allow Him to and fully trust in Him. Find ways to connect with God and nourish your inner self.
About the author:
Stacey A. Shannon is a freelance journalist and blogger. You can find her at https://FamiliesWithGrace.com where she writes about faith and family to encourage parents to create homes filled with grace, love and faith.
She recently released a 9-week devotional for moms about the Fruit of the Spirit. “Cultivating Joy” is available now on Amazon.