What does a godly wife look like? Am I living up to God’s design for how a wife should look/act/be for her husband and her family?
If you’re anything like me, I’ve always been very, very concerned with doing everything “right.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll cut corners on things like hanging up a picture frame or flat ironing my hair. But when it comes to having an ideal, godly marriage, I would really, really love to get it right most of the time.
It can be easy to think that godly women with the perfect biblical marriage are all Proverbs 31 women. They’re the stay at home moms, the homemakers who cook 3 meals a day from scratch.
A good wife wakes up at 5 am to prep the house for the day. She spends long hours ironing her kids clothes and packing school lunches. (Or she probably homeschools!)
Her outfits are stylish, her home is put together, and she’s the kind of woman you can always count on to volunteer for the school bake sale.
The characteristics of a godly wife don’t actually have anything to do with this perfect woman persona we’ve created from our favorite movies and TV shows.
If you’ve ever wondered, like me, what the Bible has to say about being a godly wife, you’re in the right place.
The Perfect Christian Woman Does Not Exist
When we enter holy matrimony and begin our marriages, I’m sure a lot of us have ideas about how things will go, before actually knowing how difficult marriage can be!
If you grew up in a traditional home, you learn that the husband is the head of the wife just like Christ is the head of the church.(Ephesians 5:23-24)
But what does this mean when it comes to raising kids? Who does the dishes? How do you decide who is the main breadwinner of the household?
When my husband and I got married almost 10 years ago, I was so ready to become the perfect wife. The problem? I wasn’t a perfect person! And thank God the Lord doesn’t need us to be.
At the end of the day, a perfect marriage is one where the husband and wife are constantly learning and growing while making mistakes. There’s lots of forgiving each other and striving to become a stronger married couple while following God’s plan for their life and pointing the rest of their family to following God as well.
7 Characteristics of a Godly Woman
What exactly does a godly wife look like? Here are 7 key traits straight from the Bible.
1. She has a personal relationship with God.
John 15:5 – “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.”
A godly wife doesn’t just rely on what she hears at church on Sunday or lean only on her husband’s faith. She actively cultivates her own, personal relationship with God, spending time daily in the Holy Bible and seeking God’s will in every area of her family’s life.
2. She’s humble – Not vain or obsessed with material things.
1 Peter 3:3-4 “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
There’s certainly nothing wrong with good looks or fine apparel. But a godly woman is a hidden person of the heart. She isn’t so concerned about portraying her beauty on the outside as she is making sure her heart is right and that her spirit is connected with the Lord.
3. She cares about the heart more than how things appear.
1 Samuel 16:7 “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
A godly wife knows knows there is more to life than what meets the eye. She interacts with everyone she encounters without simply judging by what she sees. Instead she knows that godly character matters more than anything else, and the way that things seem can often times be deceiving.
4. A godly wife is committed to her family.
Titus 2:4-5 (NIV) – “Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
There are a lot of distractions in our world that can make us lose sight of God, our families, and the things that matter most.
Godly wives put their husband and their children first instead of always looking for her fulfillment and joy in other places. She realizes how much family matters, and does everything she can to make the Lord the first priority in her home.
5. She is kind and compassionate to others.
Proverbs 31:26 (NIV) – “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”
The wise woman that so many of us have read about in Proverbs is a virtuous wife who is encouraging and speaks positively to everyone she encounters. This is definitely one that I know I could use some work on! A godly wife isn’t consumed with gossip, complaining and negativity. Instead she’s a wife of noble character, who reflects God’s love, even when it isn’t easy to do so.
6. She represents her husband well.
Proverbs 12:4 – “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.”
Of course if you want to be a godly wife, it helps to have a godly husband. But even if you have an unbelieving husband that you’re praying will come to God, you can still be a godly wife and represent the fear of the Lord in your home. A godly wife gives her family and her husband a good reputation, speaks positively of her husband whenever she can, and does what she can to keep an intimate relationship between herself and her husband that creates a strong foundation for their family.
7. She is brave and fears God above all else.
Proverbs 31:30 (NIV) – “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Let’s be honest – being married can be really tough sometimes! It can be hard to submit when we disagree or when we’re going through a season of struggle. But a Christian wife knows that she can find strength everyday in God’s Word. She leans on the Lord in her everyday life and knows that God will work ALL things together for good, even the seasons of life that are hard.
At the end of the day, being a godly wife is not about perfection. It’s about having a sincere commitment to cultivate a loving and godly atmosphere inside the sacred bond of marriage.
I pray that you would have the chance to study these scriptures and that they would encourage and inspire you today in your own journey toward becoming a godly wife!
Abby Flynn is a writer, wife and mom of 2 living in Charlotte, North Carolina. She loves coffee, travel and one day wants to live at the beach.