playful-mom-daughter

There are days when muttering under my breath is all I seem to do.  When complaints cross my lips like sprinters crossing finish lines. When all I can think of is how things should be easier, gentler, more peaceful, nicer, more organized, happier…better.    

Today was not one of those days.

What was unique about this day?

Well, today is a vacation day.  A day of sunrises, conversations, long walks, snacks that will go straight to my thighs, necks cramped over puzzles, games and laughter and favorite movies, and falling asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow.  

Today is different because today there are no stresses…nothing to distract from each other.

As I watched my children playing in the surf together, I didn’t mutter at all.  In fact, I spoke out loud what was on my heart.

“Father, thank you for these five beautiful people you put in my care.  Thank you for their personalities, quirks, voices, smiles, tears, triumphs, defeats, questions, declarations, joys and love. Thank you Lord that you have blessed me with being their mom.  And God forgive me please for all the times I forget what a blessing they are.”

Because in all honestly, I cannot lie, there are times when I have said, “Lord, I really don’t want to be a mom right now.”  

I shutter to think of ever saying it…but there it is. No excuses. I’m ashamed that I can be so selfish.

I’ll tell you those words come when I’m tired, no exhausted…when I’m weary and just want to go to bed.  Those words are uttered at the end of long days. When I can’t bear another person needing me for anything. When I desperately want to be done with the day.

Being a single mom is a weary and sometimes incredibly lonely job.  Not that any momma has it easy, please know that I’m not comparing. I’m just stating my fact of life.  This place I’m in is very hard. And sometimes, in that weariness I complain.

A lot.

And I say things I could never have imagined saying in my younger days.  (I’m old and tired now.)

But today, I was reminded that my life is blessed beyond measure.  

Truly.

So how can I take the vacation mentality home – at least a bit?  

What is it about vacation that changes the dynamics of life so much? It might seem like an obvious question, but there has to be a way to do this so that the blessings remain active beyond these few days.

So I’m thinking…I need to set aside time in my day just like I set aside time in my year for vacation.  Even if my daily “vacation” looks like 15 minutes of snuggle time, dancing, doing a puzzle or playing a game.   

Fifteen minutes of enjoying my children. Fifteen minutes of peace in the day. That sounds lovely.

Fifteen minutes to reset.  Remind myself of the joy of motherhood. And I can pray that God will increase my fifteen minutes. That God will provide more and more time.  

He can do that…I’ve seen Him do it in other ways.

And maybe my daily vacations will stop my miserable mutterings and change them to thankful thoughts.

Wanna go on a fifteen minute vacation with me?