An Open Letter from a Few Guys Who Care
For a few years now my husband and son have gathered a group of young men and their fathers for a time of growing together towards manhood. My son dubbed them the Roof Crashers the week they were studying about the paralytic man whose friends lowered him through a roof to get to Jesus. They have committed to do whatever it takes to get each other to Jesus! What an amazing blessing it is to see who these young men are becoming through their commitment towards intentional growth in Christ.
Several weeks ago I forwarded them a blog post written by a teen girl who was apologizing for what as young men they had to deal with in girls. As a result they had a great discussion about that post, after which they decided they wanted to write their own reply.
So, from the Roof Crashers to Anna Koistinen and all the other girls out there…here is their reply! I sure hope you will leave comments so I can forward them to the guys! ~Tracey
We are Roof Crashers. For three years our group of high school guys have gathered on Wednesday evenings, before youth group, to talk about being the men that God wants us to be. We are grateful that our fathers and various invited guests have joined our discussions and challenged us as iron sharpening iron.
Recently one of the dads brought us your “Sincerely, One of Many Girls Who Care” article. It stimulated a lively and heartfelt discussion and later during our accountability time it encouraged some confessions and commitments that no doubt will alter future decisions we make as men.
Thank you for your words of encouragement! They were both eye opening and frustrating at the same time. Frustrating because we too have some apologies that we want to share with you and the many other girls who care…
Sincerely, A Few Guys Who Care,
To the girl who loves Jesus and is seeking Him: We appreciate that you are a girl, made uniquely. We are sorry that you are made to feel that your uniqueness needs to be hidden and in order to be accepted you must conform to wrong images and ideals.
So, we would like to say, “Sorry”!
We are sorry that society turns you into an item. Not the unique gift that you are. We realize it’s hard to be a girl because you feel you are always being watched and have to measure up to some ideal that isn’t even real. It is wrong that you are made to feel valued solely based on your looks.
We are sorry that you are ogled all the time by guys. It ticks us off to see guys whistling or making catcalls at girls. You deserve to be treated better.
We are sorry that you feel you have to “settle” by dealing with guys who are jerks and don’t treat you right. Many guys only do what a girl wants to get what he wants from her.
We are sorry that if you end up with a guy, he very well might treat you like you are the best thing ever, but once he’s done with you he will dump you in the trash.
We are sorry as guys we know how girls think, and guys take advantage of that. Guys take advantage of what we know to be a girls basic needs … we are manipulative.
We are sorry you don’t feel honored.
We are sorry society tells you that you have to act or dress in a certain way to get the attention of a guy. Society encourages you to dress scantily and that is the only thing guys will be attracted to. There are those of us that look beyond the obvious and are drawn to the extraordinary that is your ordinary.
We are sorry that chivalry is dying and some girls feel like guys shouldn’t open doors for them. We open doors because we want to, not because we think you are weak; we want to make you feel appreciated, valuable and precious.
We are sorry for the way manhood has been degraded and not held to high standards. Expectations for men are low. So guys don’t have high expectations for themselves.
We are sorry that so many girls, and guys, have been abandoned by their fathers.
We realize that there are men out there who are not stepping up and being men and we are sorry for that. Four out of ten kids are born to single moms. That is wrong. Very wrong. We apologize so many of you were abandoned and not protected by your fathers against a highly sexualized society.
We are really sorry for the male addiction to pornography – we are sorry that guys have been led to believe its not actual sex, but it is. It is cheating on your girl friend and your future spouse to view pornography. We see that pornography just keeps fueling the message to a girl that this is what guys are looking for, so this is how you act to get a guys attention. But real men are not looking, and don’t want you looking either. Just say no.
We hate that there very well could be no innocence in your future husband because of porn. We pray God will heal wounds and make even those personal intimate times His by overcoming past mistakes. And that God will give us strength to just say no.
Society puts so much emphasis on sex, it’s always in front of us, it’s always male driven, but girls are forced to adopt it and become promiscuous. Girls think they have to put up with being sexy because that’s the way guys in society are, but that’s not the way it has to be, needs to be, or should be.
Young girls have all the wrong role models, far too many to name, who dress provocative, behave inappropriate and don’t act their age. You are negatively influenced by them and we are sorry for that. Girls are looking up to the wrong people.
Some words of encouragement from a group of guys who are trying…
In our group, the Roof Crashers, we talk a lot about our future wives. And there are ways that we know our future wives are impacted by society that grieve us. If we could we would tell our future wives to pray for us and know God has a plan. We both need to be strong.
As young men we want to encourage you that there are guys around that are trying to hear God’s voice above all the noise. That do read His word, talk to Him, share deeply with each other, hold each other accountable and we are praying … for a girl like you.
We want you to know that there are guys out there, good Godly guys who are trying to do the right thing.
We want you to know that we recognize that looks are not everything, but society tells us it is. And we get frustrated by that. We are frustrated that while God made us very visual, society has perverted the image of beauty into something crude and wrong. We seek to be attracted to girls based on who they are, and interested in more than appearances.
Don’t lower your standards.
Wait for the right guy to pursue you.
There are predators out there who are preying on you.
There are fakers.
Don’t give up.
Not all guys are looking for beauty queens, we are looking for girls who love the Lord.
It’s all about the character of the girl – it is her heart that counts.
Pursue truth, don’t worry about what the world is telling you to pursue. Fear the Lord… and you will be praised.
Most guys want to marry a girl who is pure.
We are proud of you, we appreciate your commitment and from each of us to you, we just wanted to say:
Thank you for your modesty. We really mean that.
Continue to set high standards, wait for the right guy
Don’t let others pull you down, chase after God.
Thank you for rejecting low standards.
There are guys out there that are in fact seeking the Lord and want to be the men of God you deserve.
God is pleased with you for not compromising your morals.
Thank you for calling us to be leaders and to reject passivity.
Guys care about who you are inside, not just the outside and there is someone out there who shares the same moral standards as you – don’t settle.
Know that you are accepted in God and you don’t need to seek the acceptance of guys.
God is better than any guy out there. And all boys are stupid, don’t get married till your 30.
We are Roof Crashers (Luke 5: 17-26) Please know that we are actively seeking to be the men of God and the future husbands and fathers that girls like you deserve.