Last Updated on August 9, 2018
There are all types of lists for parents. If you want a list to ruin your kids forever, here’s a list for you.
- Give your kid everything he or she wants. Don’t deny what will truly make him happy. Overvalue money and things in his eyes.
- Dress your child in designer clothes, no matter the cost. Show him or her that his or her outward appearance matters most of all.
- Place your child’s needs over that of your spouse’s. If he cries, run to him immediately. If she interrupts, give her your full attention.
- Entertain your child throughout the day. If she wants to play tea, put your plans aside. If he wants to watch his favorite movie for the 100th time, forget your idea of going for a walk and getting some sunshine.
- Plan your menu around your child’s desires. No child should have to eat something he or she doesn’t like. If, by chance, you want to make something other than macaroni and cheese or peanut butter and jelly, feel free to cook your own meal, just as long as you have time to fix what your child likes.
- Sign your child up for as many extracurricular activities as she desires, even if it means giving up your evening plans on a regular basis. Don’t worry about trying to gather around the dinner table, either. He can only be in the Junior Soccer League for so long, and you don’t want him to miss out.
- Don’t discipline your child when she acts up. Everyone should learn to express herself in their own way. If she demands something, then applaud her efforts. At least you know that she will not be a pushover or a doormat in this world.
- Don’t worry when your child fights with neighbor kids or even when he or she is a bully. Life is not fair, and someone always has to be the underdog. At least your child is learning to elbow his or her way to the top at a young age.
- When your child has a disagreement with a teacher, always choose your child’s side. Don’t show up when the teacher wants to discuss your child’s problems. The teacher will want to take a course of disciplinary action, and that’ll hurt your child’s feelings.
- Don’t share your faith with your child. After all, you don’t want to offend. Give your child the option if he or she wants to hear Bible stories and don’t pressure him or her to memorize Scripture verses. He or she might get disheartened if he or she doesn’t get it right the first time, and you’ll ruin his or her self-esteem. More than that, you don’t want your child to know there’s a God who runs the universe, makes the rules, and determines eternity. The thought is too hard, and your child might not understand.
More than that, your child won’t be self-dependent and strive to be a good person.
Do you see your parenting shine in any of these areas?
Congratulations! You’re on your way to succeeding at your goal. Keep up the good work, and you’ll have a very happy child … and just take a moment to consider what type of an adult your child will grow up to be — one who will stand out in the crowd, without a doubt!
Heavens. Not doing any of these so far—let's hope I can hold out! 🙂
I was a little convicted by this list actually!
Tricia- EXCELLENT article. I posted on FB and twitter.
Thank you!
Love this, Tricia! 🙂
Number 3 didn't sit that well with me….maybe I'm reading it wrong, but when my son cries or needs me, I don't hesitate to put hubby on hold while I see what's wrong. And hubby has never felt like he's in second place because of it. In fact, he's usually the first one to say "go!" He's a grownup and can take care of himself. So I'm not sure how it will "ruin" my kids if I check on them at the expense of interrupting my husband. The older kids interrupt only when it's really important, so at any age putting my kids ahead of myself and my husband seems normal to me. And my marriage certainly hasn't suffered for it. It depends on who you're married to, I guess, and how needy your spouse is. Just my opinion.
As a parent, we can usually discern when there is something wrong that needs urgent attention. That could be smoke, a loud crash, or a sincere scream/cry. Those are deserving of a response, for sure, but are not in the spirit of item #3.
However, a sure-fire way to RYKFL is to convince them that their needs supersede all others' – including those of your spouse. It is our responsibility to teach little Johnny patience & consideration for others.
I believe teaching a child to wait their turn, even at a very early age, is critical to their social development. Part of showering my daughter with love is giving her the basic toolset she will need to navigate life, but that can be very hard – especially when dealing with younger children. But, it's my extreme love for her that gives me the strength to do it.
Parenting is hard. It's often counterintuitive. But it's the most rewarding role God has blessed me with. Blessings to you all…
Carolyn: I think maybe we take this different ways. I don't really think she's referring to when a child is wailing in pain, or crying in need. I felt like she was referring to "those kids". You know the ones…the ones who sit quietly until the moments when adults strike up a conversation? The ones who come running up screaming, "Mommy!!!!" as if they've lost a finger only to inform you that their doll fell off the bed? 🙂 Anyway, just my thinking…
Interesting thoughts. I guess it really depends on the household then. We've taught all our kids to be patient, wait their turn, be good samaritans, don't interrupt when the adults are talking etc and I guess in our home, I'm just used to them interrupting hubby and I when it's something major that needs immediate attention. They're not perfect, but those basic (but critical) life lessons they understand and practise daily. Still, maybe the wording of number 3 is what I don't click with; to say my husbands needs supercede my kids will never work for me, because they don't. But obviously they need to be taught that they aren't the center of the universe and other peoples needs, hubby or not, are just as important.
I know you meant #4 to be negative, but I need to take it to heart in a positive way. Sometimes I am just too busy doing my own thing to really just take time to simply play with my child (and he's under 2, so it may be different for older kids), or dance in the kitchen, or read him a story. I think playing with your children is really important in their development and in your relationship with them. I have a hard time imagining playing with a young child so much that it could be to their detriment. Of course, you can't cater to their every whim (in the example of needing to get outside and get fresh air). But I bet it's very few parents who just spend way too much quality time with their kids.
I think the list is right on the money. The idea that kids need limits isn't very popular in society these days (present company excepted), and so many kids don't understand the concept of consequences. Yes, they need freedom, but they also need to learn manners and moderation.
I don't know a single adult that eats something she doesn't like or want to eat. So I don't see why children should be forced to. It might take a little extra creativity and time to get proper nutrients into them, but isn't that what parenting is all about?
My mother always made dinners that my brother and I liked. If she wanted steamed clams, she would make them for herself. I extend the the same respect to my daughter.
I think you are being a very loving and respectful mom in your intent, but I have always believed that many foods are an aquired taste. Especially when we are young. I have personally witnessed my kids loving foods they used to hate when they were 2 or 3.
I told my kids that when a new food shows up on thier plates that they need to 'introduce' there tounge to the new 'friend' that is waiting to meet them. I told them that they need to 'get to know the friend' over time and it may take 6 to 8 times of introduction before they will like it.
So I have a 3 bite rule for anything I put down for them. I make sure there is always other things on the plate that they will eat. When that food keeps showing up on there plate regularly, eventually they find it familure and will just eat it. Sometimes they learn to love it. Now that my kids are all elmentary school age, they eat absolutely everything, and have a very mature palate. a couple of my kids have 1 food item that they have not tollerated for a couple years, so I don't push that at all anymore, because they eat everythig else.
I agree with you about planning food to a point. No family should limit its meal choices to what a finicky two year old might eat.
I had a kid that was so finicky he had a list of “edible food items” you could count on one hand. We always gave him a ‘no thank-you’ helping [like your 3 bite rule] of whatever we were eating and he had to try new things. However, we did always provide something he found palatable at the dinner table. That precious family time is not the time to go to war every night. My granddaughter eats a wide variety of foods, including most vegetables, but despises peas. Why in the world would someone make a child eat something they had to gag down.
Finally, despite our ‘catering’ to his short list of foods, our son grew up to be a chef and now eats everything including exotic things I wouldn’t touch. Not much different from your outcome with your kids.
Great! Based on this I'm not too bad a mom… I do however know parents that do every single one of these things, every single day….For a moment there my kids thought I was a bad mom because I was not doing it. The parents nearly convinced me too, but when I looked at my loving, caring kids with high EQs and values, I knew I was doing the right thing. Talk about eating: The kids referred to above do not eat most types of normal foods (aged 10 & 11) my daughter (9) insisted on one of my homemade diet shakes now (in addition to a small breakfast) and asked me to add digestive fiber to it and my boy (9 – twins) drinks up ALL my water, every time I pour a glass. They are too health conscious! lol.
so this is something i have always been interested in… should i ignore my children and they will be come more independent in the future or give them everything they need and then they cant do anything for them self
I think you have missed the point if you are questioning whether you should ignore or indulge your kids. Moderation is the key. It would be silly to think that she is telling you to ignore a child who is screaming in pain or even a baby who is overtired. The other extreme is giving in to a child’s every whim. Every parent has to find where the balance is for each child on an individual basis. No two kids are alike, so no two should be treated the same.
I was told once when my girls were little that I wasn’t just raising children, I was raising children to be adults. It is my job as a parent to teach responsibility, independence, character qualities, and morals. A child who is ignored doesn’t learn these any more than one who is indulged.
This is fabulous! Thank you for sharing!! I have shared it on my blog, as well.