“I was shocked to find out that I am not the one who decides how I grandparent. My adult child and his spouse do.”
One new grandmom articulated her surprise and frustration.
I was teaching a grandparent seminar and asked, “What has been the biggest surprise you have encountered as a grandparent?” This grandmom identified a challenge many grandparents experience.
Do you have a vision of what it will be like when your children have children?
Once we hear our child is “with child” we begin to dream and create expectations for this new and exciting season. Our adult children do the same regarding their new role as mom or dad. They now wear the parent hat and are responsible for making decisions regarding their child’s daily routine, diet, and discipline.
A new reality comes into play once grandkids arrive. As grandparents, we are no longer in the driver’s seat.
The grandparent’s expectation of what their grandparenting role will look like may differ from the grandchild’s parents. The vision of how and how much grandmoms or granddads are a part of their grandchild’s life is largely determined by the grandchild’s mom and dad.
Of course, having conversations about expectations can eliminate or reduce some confusion and potentially hurt feelings.
The reality is, fellow grandparents, we have moved from being part of the nuclear family system to the extended family or the family of origin category. We are no longer mom or dad, calling the shots, making the decisions. This is our time in life to slide to the side and follow our adult child’s lead.
That said, the adjustment is not easy. Yet, I encourage you to embrace it.
Here are ten suggestions that will help you slide rather than trip into grandparenting.
10 Important Grandparenting Tips
- Remind yourself, “These are my child’s children, my grandchildren.” This will help you stay in your lane. (I know it has helped me.)
- Be flexible regarding holiday celebrations. Be willing to change some traditions.
- Support your adult child’s parenting efforts. Follow their rules regarding diet, schedule, and screen time.
- Respect their privacy and time. Call before stopping by.
- Speak well of your grandchild’s other set of grandparents.
- Offer advice only when asked or it will be viewed as criticism.
- Enjoy each grandchild, avoid favoritism. Do your best to keep gift-giving and time spent as similar as possible.
- If you have a concern, speak in private. Lead with humility and grace.
- Be receptive to correction. Remember it is good if your adult child can discuss uncomfortable things with you.
- This is the most important one. Pray regularly for your adult child, their spouse, and your grandchild.
Having grandkids is a huge blessing. So, let’s be a blessing to our adult kids and our grands.
Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.
Proverbs 17:6
If you would like more information and grandparenting tips, Lori’s most recent book Grandparents Make Grand Partners: How to Have an Eternal Impact on Your Grandchild’s Life will be released November 11, 2025.
You may be interested in checking out Lori’s article here on Momlife Today titled 10 Ways to Be a Good Grandparent and 5 Ways to be a Great One .
Join Lori and other Moms and Grandmoms over at the Moms Together Facebook group and page, they’d love to have you!