Something the Lord has shown me is that a good friendship is great, but a godly friendship is better.
Godly friendship can help us endure the difficulties of life through faith and encouragement. However, a friendship that is not rooted in Christ can do more harm than good.
In 1 Corinthians 15:33-34 it says,
“Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good habits. Awake to righteousness and do not sin, for some do not have the knowledge of Christ.”
This is why it’s imperative to use discernment and godly wisdom when building relationships and making friends. These are spiritual tools that I lacked for years when it came to choosing friends.
When friendship hurts
I never considered to invite God into that space of my life. I figured everyone that was there was supposed to be there, yet I never asked God. In result, I was burned multiple times by the same people, until the offense was so grievous, I could no longer choose longevity as an excuse to dismiss their lack of disloyalty. These women were not my friends, and I was crushed when I came into that realization. Have you ever been there?
I shared spaces of my life that you could only share with a sister. I have no blood sisters, so these were my sisters. Crushed in spirit and broken in heart, I had to contend with those feelings. A plethora of emotions radiated through me and when the dust settled, I became flooded with anger.
After that, my anthem for that year and the years to come was TRUST ABSOLUTELY NO ONE! I hardened my heart toward the mere thought of friendship and decided it wasn’t for me.
As time passed and I sat in my hurt, I came up with the most diabolical excuse I could create to sit in my loneliness. Maybe the Lord blessed me with such a loving and kind heart because I am supposed to be a friend, but not actually have any. Boy, how wrong I was.
This thought was actually contrary to Ecclesiastes 4:9-10,
“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall; one will lift up his fellow, but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
The Lord wants us to have godly friends and godly community. The operative word is G-O-D-L-Y.
Jesus had 12 disciples, but somehow, I convince myself that I was destined to be a lonely soul. Now, there are seasons of separation, even seasons of loneliness, however it’s not designed to last forever.
Eventually, I had to allow the Lord to heal me and help me to forgive, because it was indeed impacting my spiritual growth. The road to healing and forgiveness was not easy, and it was not one and done. I had to forgive them daily. Anytime I found myself thinking about it I had to forgive.
Godly friendships
During this time, my church hosted deliverance service every Sunday. And every Sunday I was putting my unforgiveness, my hurt, disappointment and anger on the altar before God. I began to walk in the truth of James 1:3-5,
“Knowing this that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”
The Lord began to soften my heart towards people and the idea of friendship.
As God was working on my heart, he showed me where I had the wrong perspective on friendships. I was willing to overlook the person’s character—not them having a bad day—but their nature at the core, simply because I knew them for a long time or because they needed me.
We are called to please God not man. I was willing to walk in discomfort so that they could feel comfortable, so I never set boundaries.
Fast forward to the present day. The Lord is reshaping relationships in my life that already existed. He is changing the dynamics of these connections and it is godly and I’m so thankful.
Remember to pray about your friendships and allow God to lead you to the ones that align with his will for your life. A good friendship is great, but a godly friendship is better.