Last Updated on August 13, 2024
There’s nothing like the early days of a new school year! Here are some great resources and ideas to implement as a parent that will help your child get off to a good start while becoming more aware of themselves and their feelings.
In 2008, my world changed. I became a Mom.
Working in the mental health field, including as a school-based Counselor, has helped me to take parenting more seriously and recognize the impact of my responsibility. The mental health field also allowed me to learn some common struggles among families––especially at the start of school.
I’ve worked with families for years and written for MomLife Today on building bravery and Soul Rest, among other common topics. I’ve found that part of the challenge is wondering if everyone goes through similar experiences during different seasons of parenting, and the answer is YES.
We’re all collectively learning to care for our kids. So why not help each other out by sharing some of the comforts and support we offer our children in times of stress? I’ll go first.
Working in the mental health field has allowed me to understand the trends and increases in the implementation of polyvagal theory––more specifically, our nervous system and the somatic tools we can teach our kids early on, offering one of the best gifts we can give them: the ability to regulate their emotions.
Psalm 131 talks about a child becoming settled and content with their mother.
This is our first step- holding them. Providing secure attachment much like the Lord does in His promises and presence. These skills are particularly beneficial during a season of the year when the hurry, hustle and schedules can bring on an experience for our kids and may leave us seeking ways to help them to feel safe and settled in the new.
The first several weeks of a new school year bring many different feelings for kids and
families. There can be several obstacles and relationships to navigate. New routines,
sleep patterns, people, experiences, rules, and expectations exist. This can be tough
and cause unnecessary dysregulation when the alternative is processing and learning
to manage these things well.
Do you have a memory of your childhood where you felt calm and relaxed because an
adult showed you how to regulate your emotions, noticed how you felt, and cared for
you when you were stressed? Search for the memory, and I’ll share mine.
I remember walking home from school to my Grandma’s, having a snack waiting for me, and having a good conversation that would make me laugh and feel better after a day of feeling nervous and uncertain. Little moments like this go a long way in learning to enjoy life.
Knowing that someone was waiting for me- just to spend time with me and hear about my day was everything! This is also modeled in our relationship with the Lord in the way that He seeks time with us, to just hear from us.
He is the One who created, heals and holds out hearts. He has told us He is with us and to not fear. It’s because He’s with us that there is nothing to fear.
One fall afternoon, I remember being so frightened after a dog chased me home from school and arriving at my Grandma’s house shaken and unable to articulate what had happened. I just felt scared. I had a rush of panic that caused my heart to race, my mind to go blank, and tears to stream down my face.
Once I finally told my Grandma what had happened, she put it in perspective, hugged me tight, told me I was safe, and helped me find a different route to walk home. She showed me consistent and reliable care.
This is a practical example of regulating emotions and our nervous system:
- Share the problem or stress
- Identify how it makes us feel
- Process ways of managing feelings and meeting the need for regulation
- Problem-solve
- Remind and reassure of safety through connection
We must teach this to our kids. But we can’t teach what we haven’t learned ourselves. Maybe you grew up in a household where you were held and settled as a baby, knowing the best possible ways of regulation through co-regulation with a safe, secure parent. Or maybe you didn’t.
Either way, I would strongly encourage you to consider where you’re at with distress tolerance. Aundi Kolber is an expert on this and Polyvagal Theory and has published two books I highly recommend, Try Softer and Strong Like Water.
As a Christian Therapist, Aundi guides us through Psalm 23 and the continuum of healing. Much like the transformation we’re in from glory to glory.
In Strong Like Water, she mentions two resources that I’m about to share. These are time-tested techniques for helping to regulate ourselves. Feel free to consider the following if it seems helpful to you!
Technique One: Maximize Your Capacity
Some of us are at our maximum capacity with a cup filled to the brim. Others may reach their maximum capacity at just a few drops in the cup. In different seasons, we all have different capacities. If you’re at low capacity, there is no judgment here. That’s all of us sometimes.
Elijah took time to take a nap and have a snack. Jesus took naps and if it’s important enough to be recorded, we know it’s important.
Can I encourage you to make time for yourself? Engaging in self-care practices like exercise, receiving a therapeutic massage, attending therapy sessions, or creating a calming atmosphere with a lit candle, a warm cup of tea, and an engaging book can promote relaxation and invigoration, contributing to your overall well-being.
Practice your own self-care—your capacity tells you you need it. Doing these things for yourself can make space for the energy and ability for whatever the day-to-day brings.
Technique Two: Put the Heavy Stuff Away (For A Bit)
If you’re carrying an arm full of heavy things and struggle to stay present with your child, can I offer a therapeutic technique? Create a compartment in your mind—imagine a box, a closet, a storage bin—just somewhere you can put those things away while you’re with your children.
If you need to process whatever you’re thinking to make it small enough to carry, make time to do it. You matter. The Lord has given us a constantly available invitation to give Him our burdens. Maybe you imagine Him carrying them away and making your burden light.
Our kids need us to show them how to take care of themselves. This might mean a cookie and a glass of milk while discussing the highlights of their day, or it might mean making space for big emotions. Our kids are learning, at school and home, how to regulate their emotions and handle the day-to-day stresses they may encounter.
As parents, the only way we can model regulated emotions is to process our own. This removes the risk of burdening our children with our emotions while also teaching them to navigate their own feelings.
If you haven’t taken the time to notice your own emotions, now is as good a time as any.
How do you manage your stress?
Have you checked in with yourself?
Where are you with the day-to-day stresses of life?
How do you carry them, confront them, or let them go?
Do you notice a change in your breathing or heart rate or have racing thoughts?
If so, step back to the first technique above and consider some self-care! Our kids often observe how we manage stress to learn how to deal with theirs.
Suppose a child doesn’t learn emotional regulation from an adult modeling this in a healthy way in their formative years. In that case, they will most likely become dysregulated adults simply reacting to their emotions without processing them.
Our bodies are made for resilience and survival. Our bodies alert us to stress and manage our adverse experiences. Our nervous system remains heightened and alarmed to navigate ourselves to safety. Children are still learning to regulate their nervous system and emotional state.
What’s worse, when a child’s nervous system signals an alarm to them, they aren’t yet able to differentiate between a primal threat (a tiger is chasing me!) to a modern childhood challenge (I’m not sure how I fit in socially yet.) To teach them to de-stress independently, we must offer them ways of doing so.
When children learn to calm themselves down and share their thoughts and feelings,
they can identify needs and navigate things more confidently and positively. Teaching
our children to learn healthy secure attachment and to trust their ability to regulate their
emotions is a goal that we as parents must be intentional about.
Sharing Psalms with them where emotions are shared and problems are solved is a beautiful way to do this if you decide to!
In these early days of the school year, try implementing these resources to help your
child get off to a good start while becoming more aware of themselves and their
feelings.
Not only will it help you start the year on the right foot—it’ll help your children grow into
emotionally aware and regulated adults.
Stress relief activities for kids
1. Focus on breathing and find ways of regulating breathing through different techniques like box breathing, blowing bubbles, etc.
2. Find a worship song with a strong message that allows for emotional expression.
3. Encourage coloring or drawing to release emotion and engage the mind while listening to relaxing music or nature sounds.
4. Grounding– walk outside or in the room you are in, notice the things around you through all of your senses, and name them out loud.
5. Exercise– Some kids have stored tension in their bodies (just like many adults), and stretching or exercise allows for releasing that tension.
6. Anything that helps your child notice their emotions, reset, and identify what they need is teaching them to regulate their emotions and stay inside their window of tolerance to carry the day-to-day easier.
7. Self-affirmations and mindfulness.
8. Walk near water. This is a time tested and biblically based practice. Walk along a stream. It refreshes our souls.
9. Identify a safe space or a memory that makes them feel calm and at rest.
10. Pray together.
All throughout the year and especially at the start of a new school year, try implementing these resources to help your child get off to a good start. They’re all excellent ways to help them become more aware of themselves and their feelings.
