In my work, as an author and speaker, I’ve spent a lot of time helping women understand that men need to feel appreciated, respected, and trusted even more than feeling loved.
That idea of feeling loved vs. feeling appreciated was almost universal among men in my research for For Women Only.
The issue is that for most of us as women, it just feels like “How could that be?? SURELY they can’t really want appreciation over love!”
And men, of course, are very confused why this is so foreign to us. Why isn’t it natural for us women to show appreciation as the highest value?
So I have to share with you this email that I received on our website immediately after Father’s Day:
Just a quick thank you. My husband and I read both books [For Women Only and For Men Only] over the last couple of weeks and the word is … life changing.
One little funny. On Father’s Day the kids and I brought the customary breakfast in bed to my husband, just days after reading the book. So his comment was, “I feel so appreciated and respected” with a wink toward me. (A big “aha” from the book for both of us.)
My 9-year-old daughter immediately speaks up “Don’t feel appreciated, Daddy, feel loved”.
We both cracked up laughing. It was a priceless moment!
When a 9-year-old girl instinctively KNOWS that feeling loved is “better” than feeling appreciated, it shows that this inner “love-centered” value has got to be pretty hardwired into us as females.
It was quite an encouragement to me to realize that, because of that, we’ve got to be purposeful about showing appreciation and respect to the men in our lives, or it simply may not happen!
If you’re married, what are some ways that you can focus on helping your husband feel appreciated and valued this week?
More about For Women Only
The man in your life is keeping secrets. They’re so deep inside he barely knows they’re there, much less how to talk to you about them. Yet he genuinely wants you to “get” him—to understand his inner life, his fears, his needs …
In For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn reveals what every woman — single or married — needs to know. Based on rigorous research with thousands of men, Shaunti delivers one eye-opening revelation after another, including:
• Why your respect means more to him than your love.
• How he feels deep inside about his role as provider.
• What it means for a man to be so visually “wired.”
• Why sex for him is primarily emotional, not physical.
• What he most wishes he could say to you.
Inside you’ll find insights from the latest brain research plus an all-new chapter that shows what’s really going on when he seems to “check out.” (You’ll be surprised and pleased.) You can order your copy today right here.
*This post was first published August 12, 2015.
