Adoption: Dealing with the Questions

Last Updated on March 19, 2018

When we decided to expand our family through adoption, we knew there would be questions. But some of them really threw us for a loop. These were from our close family and friends, Christians, and even from the nationals of our son’s birth country.

You already have a daughter and a son, why would you want more? (Children are a blessing from the Lord!)

Can’t you have more of your own? (He is my own, just from a different womb.)

I thought you wanted to adopt domestically. Why are you adopting internationally? (We did, but God had different plans for our family- He is in control.)

I heard of a family whose adopted kid {insert horror story}. (Biological kids also run away, commit crimes, have medical issues, but we still love them.)

Why are you adopting a special needs kid? There are plenty of healthy ones available. (Every child needs a family and we have the means to care for this child.)

Aren’t you worried about a child of a different race “fitting in” with your family, church, community? (God has chosen this child for us—I will rely on Him to work out the details.)

How much did he cost you? (God took care of the finances through grants, help from our church family, working overtime.)

There were times we were tempted to answer in anger and frustration (or just smack them upside the head.) But we knew that most of the questions were out of innocent ignorance and this was an opportunity to educate them on God’s call to care for the orphan. And, truthfully, we had many of the same questions.

It probably would have been much easier to remain a family of four, the American ideal: dad, mom, daughter, and son. But the thought of not raising this little boy as our son grieves me to my core. The mountain of paperwork, the financial concern, the two-week travel away from our older two kids were all worth it—similar to being pregnant and going through labor. In fact, I call this adoption process my “spiritual pregnancy.” My faith and trust in God grew as I had to depend on Him to answer many of those questions.

If you are considering adoption, don’t let fear of the unknown hold you back. It is an opportunity to grow in your faith as well as expand your family. If you have already adopted and find yourself frustrated by the sometimes insensitive questions, patiently share your story and God’s truth with them. You may change another life.