Marriage Sucks (the Selfishness Right Out of Me)
No one said it was going to be easy. As a matter of fact, I myself said, “For better or for worse.” The problem … I didn’t know worse was going to happen in simple, everyday life; I thought worse was only going to happen if I wrecked the car, someone got sick, or we experienced a financial setback.
Who knew “worse” was going to be that my husband has this tendency to go through life selfishly thinking of only himself and his needs? Ahem … who knew I did the same? Uh … maybe the creator of the universe and maybe that’s why He chose marriage as the vehicle to wring selfishness out of us. The squeezing, pushing, and sucking during the wringing process, at times, leaves me about ready to snap and give up.
But then there’s that whole vow thing — that whole commitment before my family and friends … and God. When I was standing up there in that beautiful, white satin dress, holding the cascading bouquet of white lilies, and looking at that young, handsome, “he’s so wonderful” man, those vows were easy.
Now? Well, now there’s life every day … the day after day after day kind of life. He’s tired all the time. He needs time to unwind (without me by his side); he prefers projects that require power tools over long talks while gazing into my eyes. Go figure? His idea of romance is not necessarily my idea of romance. His idea of a fun night is a quick meal and relaxing together on the couch, watching a movie that includes lots of explosions. Yeah, that’s not the better part of marriage; that would be the daily worse part of marriage I’m talking about here, friends! The worse that slowly eats away at “feeling” love.
Then, for me, there’s lowdown dirty worse, things like I’m going to be home late again, excuse me my phone just buzzed, where’s dinner, can we stop talking now I’d rather read my book, this house looks a bit dirty what did you do today, did you exercise today, can you make the kids be quiet, did I tell you I was going on a business trip tomorrow. … You get it, moms, am I right?
This godly man, who is so amazing and who I love unswervingly, has moments when I wonder if he remembers that I am his wife and if he remembers full well how he is supposed to treat me.
It’s not the “big things” that make marriage suck (the self right out of me); it’s the aforementioned small things. It’s the me-not-getting-my-way things and the things not being done for me the way I want them. If you ever doubted you were selfish, marriage will prove it. And let’s admit it: if faced with your own selfishness, the first thing you are going to do is stare at your spouse and point out his selfishness. Who wants to place blame on themselves willingly, realize their own faults, and face their own sin? Not too many of us.
It was easy for me to list his worse a few paragraphs ago … not so easy to list mine. But here goes, the daily selfish phrases I utter that no doubt frustrate my hubby; I’ll be there in a minute I’m on the phone, do you even know how to load a dishwasher, my friend is such a better listener than you are, you should take the car to the shop that’s your job, I have no plan for dinner, I thought you fixed that, can anybody around here clean besides me, no I don’t know where it is … you are the one who didn’t put it back where it goes, I thought I’d let you do that for me, I’m fine (huff, huff), I told you so, I am so tired — all I want to do is sleep. And last but most effectively used — silence … for a really long time.
I’m sure there are more, but you get the idea. Selfishness and me, me, me is the worse of the whole “for better or worse,” but it’s so much easier to see his each day rather than mine.
On the daily grind of “worse,” we need to accept the cold hard fact that sometimes being married sucks (the self right out of you) but recognize that’s the way God designed it so you would change and realize the world does not revolve around you.
Oh yeah … I went there … because I need to be reminded of that fact!
Sometimes a girl just needs friends she can talk to, friends she can share these worse MOMents with!
You can ask someone to pray for you if it’s a “big worse” (wrecked car, sickness, finances), but how do you look at someone and explain your “everyday worse?” Excuse me, “My spouse is being awful to me, and I just want to run away for a week; will you pray for me?” Wouldn’t that just start the tongues wagging and wouldn’t that be just totally unloving and unChristian-like, not to mention the damage it would do to your spouse’s rep.
It is not my desire to husband-bash … I actually am dead set against that. But sometimes I just need to share the everyday worse and know that it’s safe and that someone will pray for me!
Can anyone else relate?!