5 Reasons You Need to Interview Your Daughter’s Date
There stands your beautiful teen daughter, looking like a princess, about to go to her first school-sponsored formal function. There you (and your husband) stand, trying to come to terms with allowing her to walk out of the house on the arm of a young man … who we all know has raging hormones and is living in a world that constantly bombards him with all the wrong messages.
What is a parent to do?
I know exactly what a wise parent is to do — Interview Your Daughter’s Date, that’s what!
Some hear us say that and retort, “Isn’t that a bit much?!” to which we reply, “No, actually, it’s not.” Experience, two homecomings, and two proms have taught us that it is indeed not “too much” to interview your daughter’s date.
Since hubby is the one who does the interviewing, I asked him why he thought it was important, and he quickly gave me the top five reasons why any young man who wants to date your daughter needs to be interviewed!
1 – Because it’s your job!
2 – Because your daughter wants you to … even though she does not know it!
3 – Because the young man wants you to … even though he does not know it!
4 – Because teenagers need to be called up to a higher standard by adults who care and are involved in their lives.
5 – Because deep inside every teenage girl’s heart is a desire for a meaningful relationship with someone who loves her … let that be you (her father) and not some knuckleheaded boy.
I realize it may sound odd and she may groan and complain, but once the interview happens, your daughter will rest easier knowing that her father has gone before her to protect her. And he has set up the expectation that the young man is to be a protector, something she can now remind the young man of, should his actions require it.
Interestingly, a transformation occurs in the young man. He stands a little taller, puffs his chest out a bit more, realizing he has been entrusted by an honorable man to protect his daughter, and something amazing happens … he steps up.
I have seen this happen … every time.
Ladies, this is a post you may want to share with your men. And as prom approaches, if your daughter’s father (or her grandpa or uncle) is struggling with how to go about giving an interview, the book Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date by Dennis Rainey will provide the answers.
Whether you have teen girls or boys, they will someday date someone, and if you want to set them both up for a successful evening and a good future, trust me — go with the interview.
My husband and I agree wholeheartedly with the concept of protecting your daughters by interviewing the young men they want to date. Our two oldest daughters are married and having their children now, but ten years ago, we agreed their safety and purity were important enough to invest in interviewing their dates. Despite much moaning and discomfort on the part of our girls, the interviews brought them much needed protection and respect, and didn't run the boys off as they feared.
You should have seen us (mom and two teenage girls) peeking through the blinds while Dad and the young man talked while they examined the engine of our 64 1/2 Mustang! Dad asked, "Do you think I would let you drive away in this Mustang?" The answer was a resounding, "No!" Dad responded, "Well, I love my daughter a lot more than this car, so these are my requirements" at which time he would outline specifically his expectations for the protection of her physical safety (safe driving), her moral safety (protection from foul language, immoral people, drinking, etc.) and her purity.
A few years later, we were vindicated when we overheard the older daughter reassuring the younger one, "You want Dad to have a relationship with your dates–you need the protection it brings."
My dad interviewed every one of my dates–one by phone when I was at college. It was an incredible opportunity for him to build into each guy my sisters and I dated and even start a relationship of discipleship. As much as it embarrassed me at the time (and probably warded off a few dates that probably wouldn't have been worth it anyway), it stated from the beginning that my parents would be involved in any relationship. That's in a non-enmeshed way–just embracing their responsibility for one of the biggest choices of my life.
As a result, my dad's got four sons-in-law that he has a great relationship with. A few of them started meeting regularly with my dad. (Rumor has it, on the meeting when my husband asked for my hand, they both sat there and cried!) Each of my brothers-in-law has learned a lot about manhood from him, and the interview laid a foundation to making them part of our family.
My dad and mom interviewed my husband over the phone. He's the only man I've ever dated, so that was their only one for me. My husband also asked my dad's permission to marry me. It's been almost 3 years now and he still talks about what my dad and uncle said to him! lol
Yeah moms – thanks for confirming with real life examples the importance of Interviewing Your Daughters Dates! I am one big time smiling mom after reading your heartfelt comments! Blessings to you!
What about mothers of boys? Interview the girl?
Actually you interview your own son and explain to him that as a young man he is expected to protect and be responsible for the young lady he takes out on a date. Call him to step up. I think unfortunately because some girls are aggressive you need to explain to him that he is responsible to say no to any inappropriate advances by the girl. For more information on how to handle aggressive girls, see Dennis Rainey's article here: http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nlnet/content…
Blessings to you- and thanks for being a part of our MomLife Today community!
This was my question too. I’ve worked in youth ministry for a long time and have seen some very aggressive girls come through and completely ruin some of our guys. I have three boys and they will not date a girl we don’t know first. I feel I have just as much of a duty to protect my sons as parents of daughters.
Hey Kelly – I wholeheartedly agree … and wrote some thoughts about Aggressive Girls as well! Some pretty strong ones you will see… https://momlifetoday.com/2010/01/stop-creepin-on-my-son/
What about single (not by choice) moms?
Hey Deb – thanks for stopping by! In answer to your question our single mom contributor Katie spoke to this over on our MomLife Today Facebook page…she made some GREAT suggestions! I invite you to head on over there and see what her suggestions were! Blessings to you!
I think you're right about that. Teenage girls definitely need to know their parents have their back…even if it means embarrassing them for a few minutes.
First of all, the word “interview” needs to be changed for the word discussion. Next we as parents should talk to the son also, not just the daughter’s date. Sinners aremale and female.
We as parents do not want sons to give into harmones either and to protect them from girls who can also be looking for premarital sex.
Then, the husband is not necessarily the one to do the interviewingas you all call it. Remember, son and daughter have a mother. Both of you should discuss this with the children. Also, girls do not feel comfortable with talking about such personal topics with dad. I know, I work with girls and their mothers and I have daughters and nieces. Sex talks are awkward for girls and dads. The daughter wants to know that her mother is looking out for her too, not just her dad. Contrary to the male movement and man made notions, daughters need their mothers and dad. Dad is not the most important. Please do not dismiss the mother who is most important to her daughter!