waiting-woman

I have many personal weaknesses, but I would say that my biggest one by far is that I don’t know when to leave people alone! If there is a conflict or misunderstanding, I can become almost obsessed with wanting to clarify and make things right. There’s something inside of me that thinks that if I just explain more clearly, am really honest with how I feel, or just explain things one more time, that the other person will understand, see my heart, and everything will be okay. Normally, that has not been the case.

When I continually try to fix things, I tend to make a pain of myself and drive people away. Then I feel foolish, and sometimes I think I might even be perceived as being a crazy lady!

I just want everything to be okay!

There’s something within me that just wants peace. I want to be understood. I want to take care of what I need to take care of. But I also want the other party to acknowledge their part in things. I wish it were an easy process, but unfortunately it isn’t. I’ve had it back fire on me too many times. You’d think I would have learned by now.

God has had to bring me back to the same place so many times. He has had to remind me that I am not in control, that He is the one who opens and closes the eyes of people, and that I need to let Him do His work in His time.

7 things I say to God when I don’t choose to wait on him:

  1. My glory is what is important.
  2. I want my name cleared.
  3. I want peace and for everything to be okay no matter what it takes.
  4. “God, you’re not working fast enough.”
  5. I don’t want anyone to be upset with me or think the wrong things about me.
  6. I am being driven by pride.
  7. “I can do a better job than You are doing.” (My frustration shows and I respond emotionally, and make things worse.)

8 things I say to God when I choose to wait on Him:

  1. “God, Your glory is what is important.”
  2. The good of the other person is what is important.
  3. “God, I trust You with my reputation.”
  4. “Lord, I trust You and Your timing.”
  5. “I have faith that You know what is best God, even if I don’t see what You are doing.”
  6. I am being driven by humility. An ever present realization that I am utterly dependent on Him to make things right. It is completely out of my hands.
  7. “I am willing to die to myself for Your purposes God.”
  8. “I am a mess. God, You are not. I make bigger messes. You soften hearts and restore.”

The only thing harder than sitting back and waiting on God to do His work in others, is being sadly aware that I have rushed ahead of Him and made a mess, making His job of restoration harder!

But you know what else waiting on God does? It gives time for God to show me my own heart more clearly. When I rush ahead, I am focusing on what the other person needs to see. When I wait on God, I am praying for the person to see what they need to see, and God always reminds me to pray that for myself as well.

So here I sit. Heavy hearted amidst some messes I have made because I have rushed ahead of God far too often. Humbled again, I am praying for him to pick up the pieces and somehow continue to do the work He has been doing all along, even though I haven’t been able to see it.

And I am again aware that there is still so much work that God needs to do in my own heart.