Last Updated on June 12, 2018
A while back one of my sweet friends complained her husband had ruined something while doing housework—and he heard all about it. Several times. My first response was, “He does housework?”
I’ve been around the sun more than a few times and I’ve heard more wives than you can imagine complain about their husbands. Sad to say, I’ve been one of them. Sometimes we even try to one-up each other. “Your husband messed that up? Guess what mine did…!”
I’m about to get into everyone’s Kool-aid here, but hang with me.
A wise friend once told me there are women waiting around every corner for a man. This particular woman’s husband was a doctor. She had all sorts of stories of lonely nurses and other hospital workers who tried to lure her husband and his secure paycheck away from his family. They smiled, batted their eyes and promised an easier life: “I would never make you feel unappreciated.”
You’d be shocked at the other stories I’ve heard. There is no shortage of lonely women out there who start working on the men around them with seemingly innocent lines: “You poor thing. Your wife just doesn’t understand you. She doesn’t appreciate you. I would never treat my husband like that.”
As women, we all know those kinds of statements are a complete scam. The minute this man ties the knot with the “sweet” woman full of promises, she turns into a tiger twice as venomous as his former wife. But think of the damage already done by this point.
Let’s all be honest. All of us women deal with being nags in one form or another. But a husband who has been beaten down by his wife will eat up the words of another woman like a starving person.
Remember…
[verse reference=”Proverbs 21:9″]It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.[/verse]
Modern translation: “A park bench with peace and quiet is much better than living with a woman who never thinks I do anything right.” If hubby never feels successful at home, he might shut down or allow himself to be led into an easier place.
The woman who spends her time nagging and bossing her husband is the woman who tears her house apart with her own hands. (Proverbs 14:1.) There is more at stake than just the plate that got broken in the dishwasher because it was put in the “wrong” way. Families are at stake. Your children are at stake.
Don’t think I’m absolving wayward husbands of any blame, but I’m talking to us wives. I will never forget the sadness on the face of a woman I met years ago, just after I was engaged. She shook her head. “Don’t be a fool like I was.”
She explained she had thrown her marriage away over something stupid. By the time she realized she was wrong, her ex had already moved on and was engaged to another woman. She had to raise her kids on her own and live a lonely life. It was the biggest mistake she had ever made and she regretted it every day of her life. She wanted me and others to know some of the things we think are worthy of big arguments aren’t worth it in the long run. And I want you to know that too.
How will you build your home today?
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At the young age of 70 I realized that a better tactic was to pray for my husband and all the little things he does for me. Now we pray together and I try each night to thank God for something that he has done for me that day. A little affirmation can mean so much to all of us. Forgive the slights and focus on the positive.
Great advice, Nell!
“There is more at stake than just the plate that got broken in the dishwasher because it was put in the “wrong” way. Families are at stake. Your children are at stake.”
AMEN!! I am so glad you spoke up about this issue. While I am not innocent of grumbling about my husband, I have shed tears over seeing families ripped apart because the wife had to be “right” or have her own way. The two verses you quoted above have always rang in my head; am I going to be a woman who builds up her house or a woman who tears it down? The choice is mine and I pray God gives me the wisdom and strength to build my family up.
I read my husband these words from the blog: “A husband who has been beaten down by his wife will eat up the words of another woman like a starving person.”
His eyes went wide and he nodded. “Too true,” he said. First, I hope he doesn’t feel nagged. 🙂 Second, I hope others will avoid tearing their own houses apart.
Thanks for talking honestly about this subject. I catch myself complaining about my husband and his methods from time to time. But, thankfully it happens less often now than in the early years of our marriage. We should all strive to be better wives and build up our homes instead of tearing them down.
Thanks, Stephanie. Great advice.
That is a wonderful post. I knew this from the beginning of my marriage but kinda forgot to apply because I live in a joint family and whatever I was told about my husband,I believed that. It was told by his mum so I didn’t have any other choice and now when I understood the fact and tried to implement it, he kinda take it sarcastic and says I know this is women’s way of being. He is against women and thinks I’m like them too. I know it’ll take time everything to be in place but it’s really hard to mend the broken things, specially husband wife relationships.
Thanks for sharing. I also believe the foolish tears her house through neglect and taking her marriage for granted.
God bless you keep up the good work.