What To Do When They Won’t Talk
Sitting at a local restaurant, we talked over lunch. It was one of those God ordained afternoons where I was about to glean from three women who are a little bit older than I am. I took advantage of the time and began asking questions! God met me there, through those three women. I am so thankful!
The question: How do you get your adult son to talk?
I have a son and a daughter. I “get” my daughter! She is a girl. I am a girl. I know how girls think! She tells me everything. I am never left guessing! My son, on the other hand, can be somewhat of a mystery to me! He is more quiet and private. When he talks, I get the “outline version” of what has happened, when what I want is the five-page, minute-by-minute commentary!
This was the topic of conversation that day over lunch! These three experienced moms, all who had sons, shared with me how they prayerfully pursue their adult sons, and purposefully pursue a relationship with them!
Jeanne said: When her sons are at the dinner table, she has each one share something that is going on in his life. Just one thing. Then at least she gets them to talk, and she knows a little bit about what is going on in their lives and minds. She also texts them regularly.
Stephanie said: She looks for ways to “disarm” them and then works conversation in more naturally that way. Pull them into a game, or some activity that they enjoy, and then start conversation. It becomes a more natural way of sharing than just sitting down and trying to pull answers out of them. She also shared how taking them out for a meal is helpful. When food is involved, she has a captive audience!
Nancy reminded us that we need to pray regularly and look for opportunities to engage in conversations with our adult sons. When we are intentional about building relationships with them, and prayerful, God will provide those opportunities.
They all reminded me of what a battle these young men are in. We live in a culture that is bombarding our sons with images and messages that fight against everything God wants for them. If they are fighting for physical and mental purity, the battle is intense for a man! They are trying to figure out what they are supposed to do with their lives, how to handle relationships, and have the ever present battle with the flesh. It is hard! We, as moms, need to be on our knees praying for our sons, standing beside them helping them in their battle, and purposely pursuing them so they know we are there for them when they do want to talk.
I left that lunch date inspired, armed, and ready to love and serve my son! I left reminded of how important it is to pray for him regularly and excited to look for opportunities to engage in conversation with him!
I am so thankful for women who are willing to share their lives and wisdom with me! Aren’t you?
How do you pursue your adult son?