10 Ways to Avoid Mama Burnout (Part 2)
When our 5 kids were little I ran away. Well not exactly, but I do remember standing by the front door at the end of a horrible, rainy day of being cooped up with sick toddlers, fighting siblings, a hormonal pre- teen and a hormonal and burned out me! With my coat on and purse in hand, I watched for his car to pull in the driveway. Greeting him at the door, I exclaimed, “They are all screaming, they are all yours; I am running away.” And I did. I went to the mall where I walked around in utter silence for about 3 hours and no one spoke to me or pulled on any of my body parts or needed me right now! Ah bliss.
I was overwhelmed, exhausted and tottering on the edge of “mama burnout.” Since then I’ve learned a few tricks that will help us when we feel like we’re about to burn out!
If you didn’t catch Friday’s post with the first five ways to avoid “Mama Burnout,” you can find those here.
6. Don’t neglect your husband. It’s all too easy in this season to think. “I’ll work on my marriage when life calms down.” But the reality is that life doesn’t calm down. It will just become more complicated with more options. We have to work on our marriages along the way if we want to have a relationship later, and we have to be intentional about this. It will not just happen. If we want our kids to have strong marriages one day they need to see us working on ours now. Marriage takes time and work. Set aside a regular date night to go out alone with your husband just to have fun. Let a sitter deal with the dinner, bed and bath routine. If you wait until you get them down you’ll be too tired to go out. Instead meet him somewhere after work. This is not the time to discuss difficult issues. Instead it’s the time to nurture a marriage friendship. Swap babysitting with a friend. Plan at least 2 times a year that you can get away alone for a couple of over nights.
7. Do one thing each day that is not merely maintenance. Moms of young children are frustrated. At the end of the day when we look back we don’t feel like we accomplished very much. I found that I loved to mow the grass! It was the only thing I did that lasted more than 24 hours. And it was instant progress! It helps to have one small accomplishment outside of the usual laundry, cooking, nose wiping each day. Clean out one cabinet, write a note or postcard to someone to say,” I’m thinking about you today and I miss you.” Cook something for a friend who needs a “pick me up.” Doing something for someone outside your immediate family is a blessing and it teaches your kids to care for others.
8. Get exercise. It’s not a luxury; it’s your mental health. The hours of 4-7pm are “arsenic hours.” You feel like you’d like to give it or take it! You are tired, they are tired and you just don’t know how you are going to get through the next couple of hours until they are in bed. I used to grab a teen in the neighborhood and ask them to watch my kids for 20 minutes so I could go for a run. No, I never felt like going and often I went on the verge of tears. But inevitability it gave me the lift I needed to get through the next few hours. Our daughter had 5 kids in 2 years including a set of quads. One of the things that has saved her this year is regular exercise even if it’s a brisk walk alone for 25 minutes when her husband gets home.
9. Spend time in God’s word. You might not have much time but you can make a little time. It helps to make this the first priority of your day otherwise you are not likely to get to it. For years I’ve read a Psalm and a Proverb every day. One day I read Psalm 144:2. “He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield in whom I take refuge; who subdues peoples under me. “ Lord subdue these 5 little people today– PLEASE! is still written in the margin on that page. I do believe God has a sense of humor.
10. Remember God chose your family. God has given us the exact children in the exact birth order with the exact personalities not merely so that we can raise them but in order for them to be His tools in our lives to grow us up into the women He has created us to be. He gave us that strong willed toddler, that child we just don’t “’get,” that one with disabilities. Every child is a gift from God and He will use each one in our lives for good if we let Him. It’s helpful to ask, “God, what are you teaching me through this special child of mine?” God is full of mercy and full of grace. And He is always faithful.
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Praise God for you. I love it that you can be honest with your husband and walk out the door when he gets home. 😉 Sometimes our hubby's aren't that wonderful after their long day at work, so I'll take the kids out for a drive…..or to an indoor playland where I will buy myself a LARGE diet coke and an ice cream cone. hee.
Most importantly is that you place God first in your blogs. Mommies need so much support from their Maker, Creator, and Sustainer. Without HIm we would not have our children, so He is the best source of help and nourishment on the crazy days. (Oh, and the mall helps too!) xo Thank you for your blogs.
I'm waiting for my husband to leave w/the children (and i only have 2) so "I" can run away!
Thanks, quiet time is so important and it's hard to get through uninterrupted. Sometimes I wish I could have some alone time, but I don't really know what/where/how to do it. I have found that if I lay on my bed the oldest ones will leave me alone, but it doesn't stop me from being needed or from hearing what is going on in the house, followed by occasionally making me more frustrated.
I only have two kiddo's (ages 11 weeks and 22 months) but, I feel like I need a year long break! I'm happy if I brush my teeth and shower in a day… really I put that on a check list so I feel like I've accomplished something! I can't imagine having 5.
God bless you for sharing your insight. Right now this minute I am at the computer with my 5 year old daughter behind me playing, my husband and oldest step-son are upstairs playing a video game, and I am sitting here in tears. I cannot thank you enough. We have really been put through some rough tests since the first of the year, and it has been easy at times to wonder, for just a split second, where God is and does He still love me. However, it never fails every single day that has been hard to get through, God NEVER FAILS me, and He will send someone across my path that very day who does or says something that reminds me He is still on the throne, He is mine, and I am His. He never fails me even when I take my eyes off him like Peter did and begin to sink, He is still there loving me. Thank you again for allowing Him to use you. God bless.
It is like you can read my mind! Your blog as well as your book “and then I had kids” has literally been a life saver for me. I hadthree kids under 19 months and now they are 2 1/2 year old twins and a 13 month old and you describe exactly how it feels to be a mother of young children when I was trying so hard to verbalized it. And if I hear “enjoy every moment because it goes by too fast” from one more older mom I think i may scream!
Thank you for this reminder! How often we need this reminder through the different seasons of mommy rearing. My sixth is 18 months old and my most demanding yet. I needed to hear all of things that I knew but had forgotten during calmer seasons of Mommyhood. Thank you for sharing your insights and reminding me that I am normal.