Joy Born from Loss
I’ve been nesting lately. Toys sorted, clothing passed on, bedrooms repainted and furniture rearranged. Our fifth child is arriving this week! We have been experiencing the emotions all expectant parents cycle through, but with a twist. Our new little blue bundle of joy is a preschooler (and potty-trained)!
While we are excited, we know that this joy is born out of loss. This sweet boy has experienced more loss than any child should. He was taken from his birth family, his home and all that was familiar. He will be moving to a new family, new community, new church. He is saying goodbye to his daycare and friends. And the loss goes beyond him. His birth parents are struggling with the termination of their parental rights and feelings of failure. His grandparents, aunts and uncles miss interacting with him. His sweet foster family who have lovingly cared for him the past two years are grieving but willing to let him go to a forever family.
We know that grieving will need to occur for our boy as well, regardless of how well we all work to prepare him for this transition. We don’t want him to forget about the happy times and loving people in his past but we look forward to the joyful times in the future. I can’t wait to hold him and tell him that we are his forever family – no more moves, this is where he will always be loved and safe. My heart longs for the day when he is ready to call me “Mama.” We are planning our first family vacation together. We are looking forward to taking him to meet his new grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Introducing him to new friends. Tucking him in his new bed at night. Hearing the judge declare him a DesCarpentrie on Adoption Day. Our first Christmas together. Calling him our son.
Though our son’s past has been painful at times, he has also experienced love and happiness. And both the negative and positive experiences have made him who he is and can be used to strengthen him. Others mention how fortunate he is to have a family. But we know that we are the ones who are blessed beyond measure. The twinges of our ‘labor pains’ are beginning but we choose to focus on the joy of our new son in this journey!
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:5-6a, NIV
Wow, this hit home. I can relate on so many levels. I am a foster mom & just finalized the adoption of our 2nd child a couple of weeks ago. We had both of our kiddos since they were tiny babies just out of the hospital, so we haven't really tackled the pains your little is going through. However, we know that one day when they are old enough to understand they will grieve the same feelings of abandonment & loss. It brakes my heart even now, to think about that future hurt. But ours was born out of a different pain. Infertility. But I know now that God had a bigger plan for us. We have our name on the list for #3!!! I can't wait to meet the next little soul that He has planned to touch our lives. As you said, they are a much bigger blessing to us than we could ever be to them. God Bless you & your 5 little indians!
Congrats, Staci! I'm sorry for the pain you had to experience but am so amazed at how God builds families in his perfect time. He knew you would have a heart to love children not born through you! And you will probably deal with the questions from your kids later. Depend on Him to give you wisdom and the answers!
beautiful! grace and strength to you during this transition time, friend! 🙂
Thanks, Liz- I need it 🙂
Praise God!!!! Many blessings to you and I am praying my heart out for you and that precious new son of yours.
well said- we are praising Him! We appreciate your prayers!
Incredibly thankful with you and praying for you as you all transition. What a beautiful picture of God's adoption of us! LOVE this.
Thank you, Erin! We are so blessed by your prayers. Transition is a tough time for everyone involved but we are thankful that we have a loving Father to hold all of us through it!
what a touching post – both real and hopeful! i sounds like you get it…the loss and the love. i'm a co-author of a book being released by zondervan in september and i wanted to let you know of our book and would love for you to read it and maybe even blog about it and how it integrates with your life and growing family. the book is titled, "before you were mine: discovering your adopted child's lifestory" by susan tebos and carissa woodwyk (me). we're even hoping to get an endorsement by family life to add to our other great endorsers (national council for adoption, bethany christian services, steven curtis chapman and others). for now, i invite you to "friend" me on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/cwoodwyk. i think this book will be helpful as you honor your child's "beginnings" and as you celebrate the life God is adding to your family!