Mothering from the Heart
The hardest part of mothering is dealing with you.
First, you have to deal with your need to succeed in everyone’s eyes. You don’t want to be “that mother” who forgets the snack after the soccer game or forgets to send your kids with 100 M&Ms on the 100th day of school.
Second, you want what you do as a mother to matter. There are a lot of different ways to spend your time. If you’re going to pour yourself into your kids, you want it to count.
Third, you long to make a difference. If you’re going to succeed at anything in life, you want it to be this. After all, you have little people who are going to grow up to be BIG people in charge of their checkbooks, their automobiles (hurtling down the highway at 65mph), and their souls.
I have one thing to say about the three things above. Get over it. If you’re going to stress about them, then fear and worry are going to bully you around like a two-headed Brutus who is manhandling Popeye. If you fear and worry, you’re going to give attention to things that seem big at the moment, while completely neglecting what you should be focusing on. I almost guarantee Brutus has already been at work, and you’ve got yourself in a pickle, filling your schedule and your mind with too much.
Step 1. Stop.
The first thing you need to do to mother from your heart is to decide who you are and who you are not. U.S. poet ee cummings says:
To be nobody-but-yourself—in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else—means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting (1894 – 1962).
Who stands out as special? A mom with original thoughts, ideas, and style. Take a look at your schedule and stop doing everything you don’t completely love doing as a mom. (I’m being serious here.) If you don’t like to bake … don’t. If you hate your exercise class … quit. Figure out a better, more fun way to get in shape. (And actually, if you cut out the baking, that might be part of the answer to solving your need to exercise!)
Step 2. Examine.
What do you want to achieve as a mom? It’s time to dig really deep in your heart and answer these questions:
• I want to expand …
• I want to illuminate …
• I want to demonstrate …
• I want to seek …
• I want to have courage to …
• I want to champion …
To take this a step farther, what does your family want to be known for? The Goyers value service, loving those who are spiritually needy and having fun doing it. Together we minister to:
• children in our church and community
• adopted children
• teenage mothers and fathers
• people in the Czech Republic (where less that 1 percent of people are Christians)
The schedules for our weeks, months, and year are centered on that.
The truth is, it’s easier to deal with you when you understand who God created you to be. He didn’t squish you out of a mother mold, like a lump of pink play dough. God has a unique form and fashion for you. Take a few minutes today (and tomorrow and the next day) to ask a few questions, getting to the heart of the matter. As you do, place yourself in God’s hands … and let Him deal with you.