Last Updated on March 23, 2018
We, as moms, do so much for others that sometimes we find it difficult to ask for help ourselves when we need it. I think this mom trait is even more prominent in the lives of our single mom friends out there.
I have heard from more than one single mom that one of the biggest unmet needs she experiences is finding a strong male role model to speak into the life of her son. For many of these single moms, their son’s father is out of the picture. The question is, “Are there other men in the life of her son who could step in and help out?”
In today’s busy world when dads struggle to find enough time for their own families, I think the last thought on their minds is to reach out to a child who does not have a father in his life. That unmet need is simply not on most men’s radar screens.
What I would like to suggest to my married sisters out there is to consider whether your husband has been placed in the life of a young man to fill that roll. No doubt there is a single mom you know with a son who is longing to spend time with a man — maybe your man.
Mentoring young men has been a part of my husband’s life for several years. Currently, there is an older teenage boy who meets with him regularly by coming to his office after school. Hubby and my son have breakfast weekly with one of my son’s friends. For each of these young men, having a man who is interested and available to talk about “guy stuff” has been a real blessing. As a result, this has taught our son the importance of reaching out and making a difference in the lives of others. Iron sharpening iron.
If you and Hubby decide to reach out to a boy or young man, you should set up some boundaries. Make certain they meet in areas where others are always around. And you should reach out and befriend the single mom (if you don’t know her already). Be the one to make the phone calls to set up the times together and initiate the contact. That just makes good sense.
And let’s all learn to ask each other when we have needs — that’s what relationship and community is all about!
Tracey Eyster is the Founder of MomLife Today and the annual Mom Camp event. Her book Be The Mom, LifeWay Bible Study Beautiful Mess and speaking engagements have allowed her the privilege of speaking into the lives of women sharing what God is teaching her. “Be intentional. Be relational. Be selfless.” In a nutshell, that’s her life and message. Tracey has been a mom since 1993 and she and Bill have been married for over 30 years.
Yes, love this!! We've got two single mom friends that have sons. Sadly, their fathers aren't present and/or capable of being positive, Godly role models. We're trying to get some men together at our church who will offer to be role models for these boys and the other boys at our church that need role models and mentors. We’re also seeing that some of the fathers who are present need help in being a positive influence in their son and daughters lives because they didn’t have that in their lives.
I was so excited to see this post. I love that this need is being met. Otherwise, history is likely to repeat itself.
Hope you have a great weekend, Tracey!!
Erin
YEAH Erin! Good for you and hubby for seeing a need and working to meet it! Let's hope my post and your comment inspire some other moms to consider the same in their lives! Thanks so much for being a part of our momlife community! Blessings to you! Tracey
I know that there are many men out there who have checked out. (it is why we do our work). And there are men who have not stepped up as a divorced father as well. I formally and informally mentor boys and girls of single moms where I can and where appropriate. However, I come across a lot of single moms who do not ALLOW the father of their children to be more of a father because of how mom feels about him. Mom and Dad do not get along, he has another relationship now, he does not father like SHE thinks he ought to and therefore he cannot spend time with his kids or she does not think he can or will do the job. My wife and I disagree on a daily basis on our parenting, most moms and dads do if they are having a truthful dialogue, but we negotiate through our marriage to try and do what is best. Some single moms will not be part of a negotiated discussion or dad will not step in when he wants if he is going to get slammed for not doing it exactly like she wants. Boys AND girls need a father figure. A man that will teach his kids how to live this life. Do not forget dad and mentor roles for girls as well. The single mom picked the father, if he is no count, perhaps the daughter needs some other insight as well from a mentor.