Did you answer yes to the sexy question? If so, wonderful! I hope you share your secret with your other female friends. Chances are, though, you answered no. The majority of the time I do. Whether you are a mom or not, a lot of women struggle with the idea of being sexy.

When we first got married, I thought sex would be the easy part of marriage. But I was surprised. Sometimes sex was a huge struggle, especially on my part. Women’s sex drives are linked to hormone shifts and emotional states. Feeling hurt, isolated, irritated, ignored, or a myriad of other emotions can have an effect on libido.

Two years into our marriage, our first baby arrived. And then I was really surprised. Nothing kills a sex drive like pregnancy sickness, exhaustion, recovering from birth, lack of sleep, and nursing around the clock. Plus, I had some strange hang-ups about being a mother and a lover at the same time. I spent days praying I would be interested come bedtime, only to end up in tears. I’m happy to tell you that stage does pass.

Babyhood aside, I can’t count how many times sex and sexiness come up in conversations. It’s all over magazines, TV, and the Internet, and it’s on our minds. Even the little comments women make have to do with their idea of sexy: “My thighs are huge,” “My cellulite grosses me out,” “I look horrible in lingerie,” “I don’t know who would want to look at this body,” “My breasts sag,” “I don’t feel sexy,” “I can’t be sexy. …”

What is sexy? Perhaps it is more a state of mind than anything else. In fact, some of the sexiest-feeling women I know do not have supermodel figures — quite the contrary even. But they understand that sexy is in the mind. I’ve heard men comment along the same lines. Sexy is more about the look in a woman’s eyes, the way she carries herself, her willingness to be expressive, her desire to be with her husband, and a creative state of mind.

Many women think if they do not look like lingerie models, they are not sexy. Yet, most men do not care about the perceived “perfection” of those women. In fact, men like curves and softness. I saw a survey awhile back in which men were asked to rate the attractiveness of a range of female figure sizes. Women were asked to rate the same pictures. It may surprise you that men picked much heavier figures than the women did.

So don’t be afraid to toss out any skewed ideas of sexy. Do not fear looking your husband in the eye and letting out your inner tiger.

On that note … have a good night!