Feeling Loved vs. Feeling Appreciated

Okay. You have to read this note I got on my website. You know how I spend a lot of time helping women understand that men need to feel appreciated, respected, and trusted even more than feeling loved, right? That was almost universal among men in my research for For Women Only. The issue is that for most of us as women, it just feels like “How could that be?? SURELY they can’t really want appreciation over love!”

And men, of course, are very confused why this is so foreign to us.  Why isn’t it natural to us to show appreciation as the highest value?

So I cracked up at this email that was sent to our website immediately after Father’s Day:

Just a quick thank you. My husband and I read both books [For Women Only and For Men Only] over the last couple of weeks and the word is … life changing.

One little funny. On Father’s Day the kids and I brought the customary breakfast in bed to my husband. Just days after reading the book. So his comment was “I feel so appreciated and respected” with a wink toward me. (A big “aha” from the book for both of us.)

My 9-year-old daughter immediately speaks up “Don’t feel appreciated, Daddy, feel loved”. We both cracked up laughing. It was a priceless moment!

When a 9-year-old girl instinctively KNOWS that feeling loved is “better” than feeling appreciated, it shows that this inner “love-centered” value has got to be pretty hardwired into us as females. It was quite an encouragement to me to realize that, because of that, we’ve got to be purposeful about showing appreciation and respect or it simply may not happen!

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