Sometimes I feel like I’m living in the bottom of an old cracker box—full of crumbs and cracker dust. Seriously, everywhere I look is a preponderance of dust and dog hair.
Recently I’ve had so much to do and so little time. It isn’t like that is unusual for me, but this time I’ve got deadlines and homework and housework and work work and children’s activities and stuff to do. I really want to do it all well, too—not just my usual fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, gitterdone way of doing things.
But I’m wondering if it is physically possible to do it all. Right now I’m in my sleep-a-little, work-a-lot mode. And unfortunately, as I’m working on stuff, my house gets dustier and dustier and dustier. The dishes get done, the laundry gets done and done and done, and meals get made and eaten. (Thankfully I have children who are good eaters because I’m throwing veggies and fruit at them all the time to make up for the lame meals I’m offering. I’m blessed to have understanding children.)
I’m wanting a mental break not mental breakdown. All the thinking I need to do is making it difficult to actually think about things. I feel frazzled and a bit hopeless in my outlook which tends to make me either sad or fussy depending on the situation or day. All that mental and emotional baggage makes my bed lumpy, so I don’t tend to sleep well. I have some silly health issues which make sleep imperative, so if I don’t get sleep I worry about my health and then I feel worse. Know what I mean? Mind games … and not fun ones.
Thankfully, I feel like I’m climbing out of my cracker box. And it isn’t because things have necessarily gotten better, but I believe I’ve gotten better at dealing with things—especially those things that want to steal my peace, overwhelm me, and make my house dusty.
And getting better hasn’t been a measure of my great mental aptitude or strength, it is because God reminds me daily that He is trustworthy. I see how He is using all this to strengthen me. And amazingly, He is using it all for good in my life. He has given me so much encouragement through friends who speak kind words, and also a few “brush away the crumbs and get busy” words to me as well. He has given me beautiful children who give me strength simply because I love them so dearly and I want to give them the best. They don’t need a whiny, fussy, overwhelmed mommy!
I’m determined to brush away the crumbs in my cracker box because I want to focus on the hope God gives me. Hope that even in all the dust of my life, He is faithful to love me, provide for me, and even dump me out of the box occasionally!