By Deb DeArmond
That beautiful bundle I’m holding is my new grandson, Kohen. He is 16 weeks old and already making himself heard in this world. Just ask his parents about the sanctity of sleep. They have a whole new appreciation for it these days.
We celebrated his mama, my daughter-in-law, Heather, at a baby shower before his arrival. Several guests were asked to share a few words of encouragement or advice for the new mom-to-be.
Many talked about their own experiences as moms and what their children had taught them. Some reassured her that she would again, at some point in her life, sleep undisturbed through the night. Her own mom talked about Heather as a baby and what a blessing she knew this addition would be to Heather’s life and that of my son.
As the hostess I spoke last, just before the prayer offered over our luncheon. I looked at my sweet daughter-in-love, whose place has been secured in my heart for more than 12 years.
“Heather, I know something about boys,” I began. “They are so incredibly special. Be forewarned—they are loud and they track in dirt and they can sometimes be smelly. But you’re going to love it—and they will love having a mom who loves sports and all things outdoors.”
“The first moment you hold your child, you’ll wonder how you ever drew a breath before he graced the planet. You will be captivated by a love you didn’t know could exist. He will look into your eyes as if no one else is of any interest at all. You will be besotted, and he will own you completely.
“You’ve been given a lot of advice today. Great advice. It’s my privilege to add one more thought, a recommendation to help you as you raise up your sweet son.” I paused, swallowing hard. “As much as he loves you, and as fervently as you will love him, please remember this one thing: God never intended for you to be the most important woman in his life.” Several guests looked at me curiously.
“The good news is that for now, and for many years to come, you get to be the stand in for that role with no competition. But just as God chose you to fill that spot in my son’s life, Kohen will someday find the woman of God’s dreams to fill it in his. Knowing that now, will make that day joyful for everyone.”
Heather looked teary. It’s the reality of every mama of boys. We are tasked with raising our sons so that someday some woman will take him off our hands and into her heart and life. It’s God’s plan; it’s how He designed it to be.
When it’s done well, your son will remain fully in your heart and life as well. It’s one of the few times God smiles when two women love the same man. And don’t ever forget, you will always be his mama.
What words of encouragement or advice would you share with a new mom-to-be?
Deb DeArmond is an expert in the fields of communication, relationship and conflict resolution. A writer and professional speaker, DeArmond focuses on topics related to the family and women. Related by Chance, Family by Choice (Kregel Publications, Nov. 2013) is her first book and is focused on relationships between women-in-law. She is co-founder of My Purpose Now, a website devoted to Christian women 50+. Read more from DeArmond at Family Matters and My Purpose Now. Readers can also connect with her via Facebook (AuthorDebDeArmond), Twitter (DebDeArmond) or Pinterest (deb_dearmond).