There is not enough chocolate in the world to fix this place I’m in.
You know those days … weeks … months … years. I believe I’m living in one of those seasons … ’cause it’s been years.
It’s been one of those year after year after year. I’m bone-weary tired.
Tired of to-dos I can’t do.
Tired of dishes, sticky counters, laundry, dusty floors, house repairs, breaking appliances, funny car noises…
Tired of exhaustion.
Tired of stress.
I think I’m at a different place than I’ve been before. I’ve hit the wall and it has fallen on me. I can tell because my patience is a virtue missing and my fussiness is all too evident. I feel all anxious and overwhelmed … more than usual … and that’s saying a lot!
My poor kids.
Being a single mama is tough. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff to deal with … it’s easy to feel like there’s no way to get everything done and do it well.
So many people say, “I don’t know how you do it all.” I always want to say–and sometimes do–“Not well.”
I’d sure like to do things better. I’d sure like to stop complaining.
I believe there are some things I could do that would be better …
Exercise more … eat healthier meals … sleep! Sleep deprivation has been my standard operating procedure since I became a single parent. I was going to say sleep might be the key, but I believe it isn’t. I believe the biggest thing right now for me is prayer.
I’ve been so busy doing that I’m missing the being thing. The whole being with God thing. I’m so occupied with working for God, I’m not really focused on Him. How ridiculous is that!
I believe I’ve been learning this lesson forever! Am I ever going to really get this? This idea of resting in God? Of trusting for the day? Of the power of prayer?
I keep writing about it because I keep trying to get myself to grasp these things … firmly grasp … with tenacity, with strength, with conviction.
They are all wrapped up together. When I pray I’m resting in God and giving Him my day and trusting that He is going to handle it. I can do that! I just gotta do it.
Although I’m chuckling because I just said, “I just gotta do it.” And the part of what I’m trying to grasp is that I just wanna be. Oh well … I guess part of being is getting myself in position and that position is most definitely on my knees.
So I will go for a walk/run/skip. I will eat a salad or ten. I will try to go to bed earlier. And I will pray. I will pray that God helps me to rest … helps me to just be with Him.
After all, He is loads better than chocolate.