Operation No, No, No Bikini

Last Updated on March 20, 2018

I know we’re at the end of the summer … but it finally happened. We had to replace my 13-year-old daughter’s bathing suit, during a season where she’s been surrounded by friends and family with different swimwear rules. So: “Please, Mom? Please can I have a bikini too?” Understanding our “no” was even more difficult, when all she has been seeing is what she’s not allowed to wear.

It was highly ironic that I just debated this exact subject on a Moody radio program about whether we as Christian women should wear (or allow our daughters to wear) bikinis. Because of my research, and because I know how men (and teenage boys) think, how their brains are wired, and how so many of them hate the temptations of this culture, there was only one answer for me. I told my daughter (and the radio listeners) that I know many will disagree with me, but I personally think we simply have to be willing to honor men and how God wired them, rather than do anything that makes their struggle even worse– a struggle they were never supposed to have to face.

Essentially, there’s a part of the brain that, in men and boys, views an attractive and mostly-undressed woman in a very sexual way, even if they absolutely do not want that temptation. And those images come back to them, even if they don’t want them to. Over and over again those males who want to keep their thought lives pure have to wrench their thoughts away from the initial, biological temptation to linger on that image. And countless men have wistfully told me they wish women would support their efforts, rather than dressing in a way that makes things even more difficult.

But how do I appropriately explain this to my 13-year-old daughter? I could get some of the concern across. But when it comes right down to it, how do I explain what a godly teenage boy is tempted to do (and what many average teenage boys will do) with that sensual image of the bikini-clad girl that is now in his mind, when he gets back to the privacy of his room? “Honey, when you wear that … um … you see, guys’ brains store these images and they … um … never mind …”

In the end, even though I can’t quite explain the awkward details to my daughter (or a live radio audience!) there’s no one issue that makes me want to bury all bikinis in the sand. I just feel sad for all the men and boys who already face too many images in this culture that they were never supposed to face. Just as we ask them to do what they can do to keep their thought lives pure and respect women in the process, I feel like we should do what we can do to support them.

All of this is a difficult road to walk in a culture where we’ve been so desensitized. But in my mind, that gives us even more reason to teach our kids to be willing to do the difficult, selfless thing; even as we have grace with those who simply don’t agree.

Moody’s program was inspired by a great talk by Jessica Ray on the “Evolution of the Bikini” at the Q conference, which has been viewed nearly one million times on YouTube.

Shaunti Feldhahn

Shaunti Feldhahn is a best selling author and nationally renowned speaker, best known for her break out book For Women Only that led to a series of other related titles. She has been featured on The Today Show, Fox News, K-Love radio and many other media outlets. Shaunti is the mother of two school age children she places as a priority while remaining a professional woman who seeks to equip others to find balance in their lives. Her much needed Life Ready Woman series was developed to help women understand their role in today’s “do-it-all” world. Shaunti has been a mom for 13 years, she and Jeff have been married for 18 years.