Last Updated on February 11, 2019
Ever since Shaunti Feldhahn ripped the security blindfolds from our eyes in For Women Only, we’ve been wondering what to do about the fact that our husbands are wired to be visual. She explained to us why it’s so natural for men to look and even why it’s so hard for them to forget what they’ve seen. The simple answer is that God created them that way.
Then why did He create us to want to be looked at, and to be the only woman our husbands look at?
It turns out that God did not leave us without a defense for this world’s Hooter’s girls and Victoria’s Secret billboards. There’s actually a substance that keeps him looking at you. (If I could bottle and sell it, I would. But listen up because you can manufacture it yourself!)
A new study from the University of Bonn suggests that the neurochemical oxytocin, in addition to creating a sense of connection and tremendous trust between two lovers and topping it with a heaping serving of peace and calm, also prevents men in committed relationships from getting closer to other women they may find attractive. In fact, the hormone just may be a fidelity drug for monogamous relationships.
The experiment was simple: researchers administered oxytocin or a placebo via a nasal spray. (Don’t get excited. It’s not commercially available!) An hour later, the men were individually introduced to attractive women. The woman would regularly alter her distance from the men and the men were asked to indicate if the distance was “ideal” or made them feel “slightly uncomfortable.” It was hypothesized that because oxytocin produces a sense of trust,men would be comfortable with a women coming closer. The exact opposite happened! Men in committed relationships (while not those who were single) preferred to keep a greater physical distance from the attractive woman. Equally as important, men who were given the placebo (no oxytocin) did not tend to insist on creating a distance between themselves and the attractive woman.
What does all this mean for you and me as married women who like our guys to look at us?
It’s very simple. God created our bodies to naturally produce oxytocin—and lots of it—with the simple gift of touch.
Holding hands with your man? Oxytocin!
A simple back massage after dinner? Oxytocin!
Spooning at bedtime? Oxytocin!
And, of course, the mother load of Oxytocin comes in the act of marriage. Who needs nasal spray? You were made to create oxytocin. So make a little. It just might be the greatest gift you can give your man.
And yourself!
Dannah Gresh is a best-selling author and the creator of Secret Keeper Girl. Best-known for And the Bride Wore White and Lies Young Women Believe (co-written with Nancy Leigh DeMoss), Dannah is a gifted communicator whose ministry focus is coaching moms to be great connectors to their tween and teen children. She and her husband Bob are left to run a menagerie of animals on a hobby farm since her three young adult children have flown the coop. Her happiest times are when all the chicks are back in the nest.
My husband is addicted to internet porn. It has been a on going problem for sixteen years. For the six years before the porn I felt he only wanted me. Now I find naked photos on his phone. It seems like ever year he is master bating to porn he is falling out of love with me. Can this be true. Can porn make him love me less?