Last Updated on March 20, 2018
How can a mom handle her own issues with grace and be an example to her children?
Rejection. Harsh word, isn’t it? Even harsher is when it happens to me — at least from my perspective. I’m always willing to be a shoulder to cry on for a friend, but I’m not such a fan of facing it myself. How about you? Been there?
Some of us face rejection from other people. We have faced rejection from our daughter (who has autism) on multiple levels, especially emotionally. I’ve been turned down for jobs and had my heart broken. And I was harshly rejected by a pair of cute jeans a few weeks ago, but I won’t dwell on that. …
This week, though, I find myself facing that negative nine-letter word on a deeper level — rejection of a dream. For years I’ve pursued fiction writing; it’s a hobby, yes, but one I love. And I wanted to share my stories with the world. However, with writing comes rejection. Repeated rejection. I often ask myself, is it worth it? When do I quit? And how do I serve dinner and make happy talk when I just got another “no” rejection email from an agent?
I pondered my swirling questions during dinner and talked to God. I keep getting told no. Is this a sign, or do you want me to learn perseverance? Am I a failure, or is this just not the right timing? Am I allowed to have my own dreams, or am I supposed to stay within these four walls and be Mommy forever? (Yes, that last one was a bit dramatic, but I’m being honest.)
To answer these questions, I must go to truth, which I find in Scripture. Does being a writer define me? No. Is an award on earth the greatest achievement I can earn? No. What is important? People: their hearts, their lives, their relationship with the Lord. I cannot take a written manuscript into the next life, but people are different. And my children are included in that “people” group.
So, I think of my life in terms of “just” being a mom. In my children and the friends around them, I can impact a multitude of people. Therapists, teachers, moms, grocery store clerks, dog walkers, dads … the list goes on. I have a chance to pour into the lives of others and to encourage them, sometimes on a daily basis. All of this just for being a mom and blooming where I am planted. I may never receive international recognition or riches for “just” being a mom, but I will gain more for it. I will achieve a different sort of recognition, which I hope is in people I have met coming up to me in heaven and telling me I had a positive impact on their lives.
Following that lofty paragraph is a bit hard, but I want to share the positive that has come out of my latest rejection. Later that night, I sat beside eldest’s bed and listened as she related a school incident — a bad grade and a friendship issue. I realized inside we all feel the same even though age and situations are different. I talked to her about what the agent had told me. I shared with her my feelings, fears, anger, and the way I was going to handle it. We discussed that even though she got a bad grade on a test, it does not define her as a person. It does not mean that she should quit or is a “failure.” Through my honesty and openness, I have allowed my daughter to watch and learn from me as I navigate the world, and I believe it is a positive experience for her. I have also opened doors to more honest emotion sharing in the future.
So, maybe a little rejection once in a while isn’t such a bad thing. …
Jennifer Dyer has an M.S. in Communications Disorders, which served her well in her professional career as a speech-language pathologist. Never did she imagine that her education and career were God’s way of preparing her to be a mom to her own daughter with autism. Today, she enjoys reaching out to other families who face similar diagnoses. As a cancer survivor, carpet-cleaning veteran, and originator of the “Messy House Ministry,” Jennifer feels blessed to share joy, peace, and humor with others facing life’s challenges. She is mom to two beautiful daughters and is thankful to be raising them, serving other families with unique needs, and using her gift of writing and speaking to minister to others. Jennifer is also the author of a youth fiction book series and is trusting God with His timing on publication. Jennifer has been a mom for 11 years. She and Brandon have been married for 13 years.
Jennifer – Thanks for sharing from your heart, something you are always so very good at doing! Sharing your own issues with your children is some very good mothering! I do believe that is why my teen daughter and I are so very close as we are a part of each others lives in a supportive and encouraging way! I've read your work…it is VERY good, I think you should keep at it – maybe God's timing is not your timing. I have heard of many a currently successful manuscript being in the bottom of many publishers trash cans. Big Hug!
Thanks, Tracey! I hope someone else is encouraged by this:-)
Hey Moms – if you are encouraged by this…let Jennifer know…let's let her "feel the love" through us!
Thanks for this Jennifer, I hope you know that your writing is making a BIG difference just here on this website. I take a lot of the stuff I read here home and apply it to my life and family. God has given you a gift of sharing wonderful, encouraging stories, keep it up!
Thanks, Heather!
I hope God continues to encourage you.
Jennifer,
Really appreciate the candid reveal of your life and heart. It is a tough thing in todays culture for we women to be content where we are sometimes. I can remember thinking i would never be anything but a wife and mom. Now looking back i have realized that those two roles are the greatest things i can ever do as a woman.
Not saying we shouldn't pursue our dreams and expand our skills, but learning that the Lord has us right where we need to be can be a test of our faith. He is using the day to day to prepare me for eternity, and i must remind myself of that fact often.
Thanks for sharing….
Thanks, Michelle.
I'm glad to hear your words of wisdom. I have to remind myself if the fact that motherhood is a gift sometimes when hormones, exhaustion, and demands exceed my abilities. But God is my sustainer:-)
Thanks for your encouragement!
I am so happy that I came across your post. Writing is truly a passion of mine and I have no clue what to do with it right now. I am a stay at home mom ( #2 on the way) and some days I just feel like giving up. Thank you,
Najeema Iman, I AM Curly Locks
"I believe in Kingdom blogging!"
Just keep writing, sister! I have gotten so much out of my writing journey that even if it only allows me to help my daughter with her homework I have still gained! You never know how God will use your words at some point in the future.
Haven't been to Momlife Today in a while. Looks great! And yes, Jennifer, I was encouraged by your honesty. I have a child who's struggling with rejection from peers. It's almost a daily topic now. Your insight helped me to understand better how to help him.
Thanks, Ellie. I'm so sorry about the peer rejection and your child. That has been an issue on my heart, as well. It breaks my heart when I see that sort of thing happen to my daughter. Thanks for sharing this with us and the other moms. Sometimes the best part of being a community is knowing that you are not alone.
Thanks for your insight. I was encouraged and reminded and convicted in various ways through your sharing. The principles you espouse are applicable even to me as a 60-year-old grandfather. God is so good and patient and kind and loving!